Playing for More (Love on the Court - Book #1)

33. Someone who can help

ADDISON

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Let's make a list.

I told Carter about his dad. I shared what I'm capable of. Somehow, I became Carter's girlfriend, and... I care about Carter.

Oh, and I conveniently forgot to mention that Carter's mom might be onto the whole basketball charade. But hey, I get brownie points for being upfront about... a lot of other things, right? I groan, burying my face in my book.

Studying feels impossible. I can't focus.

Ever since Carter Harris stepped into my life, it's like I've abandoned the facade I built. Keeping up appearances, making my parents proud, striving for goals—all of it? It doesn't matter anymore.

I can't even pretend to care.

I'd let Thompson fail me right now. Then I'd have a solid excuse. I never realized how suffocating it all was until... until I embraced something different, until I became something different.

I did have the nerve to tell Carter that we're both on these strange paths for similar reasons, but let's be real. What drives him, what fuels his determination—it's his mother's life.

His love for her is what keeps him going.

What keeps me going? What drives me to endure this struggle? And what happens if I decide to walk away? Will my parents hate me? Turn their backs on me? Their disappointment has always felt like the end of the world.

Their sacrifices, everything they've done... it must mean something.

But then there's Carter, sacrificing himself for his mother's happiness... while all she wants is for him to be happy. My parents don't care about my happiness; otherwise, they wouldn't force me down this path. And if they disown me?

I'd have my life, my well-being.

Seeing Carter's situation puts everything into perspective.

A dying woman.

A man trapped in a life he never wanted.

So what if I struggle and things aren't perfect? Shouldn't I at least give it a shot? No one will die if I stray from the path laid out for me.

Why am I making myself miserable? Shouldn't I try to be happy? Pursue something I actually want?

Because...

Because I don't want to be a journalist. I don't want this life.

Oh God... it feels like the wind has been knocked out of me. I can't breathe, yet I've never felt lighter. I've always known this deep down, but I've never admitted it.

I don't want to be a journalist.

Do I have a clue what I do want to do? Absolutely not. Not a damn clue.

But that's okay. It's okay not to have all the answers. There are resources for this kind of thing, right? Like counselors or something.

Yeah, I'll figure it out.

It doesn't matter right now. I'll finish the semester anyway—so who cares. Yeah. Just... just the feeling of freedom. That's enough for me. And I want the same for Carter.

I want him to be free. I want him to be happy.

I tried to shield him from all of this, but he wouldn't let me. I never imagined he'd be the one to set me free, to make me feel this way. But he is. He deserves freedom and so much more. It almost breaks my heart to think about the real person he is underneath it all.