King Slayer (Loona X Male Reader)

I Can Be Your Painkiller

Loona POV

I awoke to the worst sound in the world; my alarm. For some fucking reason Blitzø starts our work day at eight in the god damn morning. Most mornings I would be fine getting up and beginning my morning routine at six, albeit with some annoyance, but I couldn't today.

I shut off my alarm and rolled over, closed my eyes once again, and tried to fall back asleep.

Y/n only stayed four more nights after I pushed him away. Each night, the light in Y/n's eyes faded little by little, until he finally decided to return to his home in the living world

When he did, he told me it was because he didn't want to be a burden to me and Blitzø, but I knew just as well as he did that was a lie. I could see it in his eyes, he was hurting, anxious, and worried.

I can't exactly blame him, I mean, this came on out of nowhere. It's not like I wanted to hurt him, I just couldn't handle being touched at the moment. But, I didn't think it would hurt him this much. I didn't realize something as simple as not wanting affection would cause so much anxiety and paranoia.

After a while of lying in bed unable to sleep, I forced myself to get up to begin my morning routine.

I walked into my bathroom and scoffed as I saw my reflection. I looked like shit. I had dark circles around my eyes from the little sleep I'd gotten, my fur was matted, and my hair was a mess. I looked like I was going through a mid-life crisis.

I grabbed a brush and combed through my hair before applying some concealer to cover up my eye bags and try to make myself look less of a walking mess.

As shitty as I felt today, there was one thing that made me happy. It was Y/n's first day back at IMP, so I would have him at work with me. I knew his presence would be reassuring and make me feel slightly better. On the downside though, I knew his presence would be accompanied by questions.

He constantly asked if I was okay throughout the final four days he spent here. Even when he left, he'd text me at least three times a day. I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm alright. Can't complain. No matter what I answered with, he wouldn't accept it, and it annoyed me.

I wish I could've been honest, but I couldn't. There was a mental block in the way of me being honest. No matter how badly I wanted to just tell him how I was feeling, how much I needed help, how I was trapped in my body and mind, I couldn't. I just couldn't.

The attempted assault brought back a slew of emotions that I had repressed. The depression, self-loathing, urges to cut, all of it. Everything I thought I had gotten over came back within seconds of being put in that position again.

It didn't take me long to finish my morning routine, and I had at least thirty minutes before Blitzø and I would leave.

I sat on the side of my bed and thought about what I wanted to do in the meantime. The sharp emotional pain I felt in my chest was crippling. All I wanted to do was sleep. That's what I spent all my free time doing. I mean, if I had to feel like shit all the time, wouldn't it be better to be asleep rather than awake? At least then I don't have to consciously feel it.

I couldn't go back to sleep and I didn't want to feel this way. I also didn't want Blitzø to start asking questions, that was the absolute last thing I wanted. I had a feeling he suspected something, so I needed to figure out how to suppress it fast, so he wouldn't join Y/n in constantly asking questions.

I knew what I needed. I needed a painkiller. While there were anti-depressants out there, they were way too expensive for us to afford. Maybe with Y/n helping a bit we could, but I'm not gonna go asked for free handouts. That's when I remembered what I used to do when I was younger, to suppress it.