The Oxygen in My Lungs

Chapter 20

Neither of us have talked to each other since yesterday's argument except this morning when Roman told me to pick up my stuff in the bathroom. Specifically, "quit being a slob."

He left without even saying goodbye.

Am I wrong for feeling this way? My mom would say jealousy is the result of insecurity, but how could I not be jealous of the idea of his eyes looking into another's. If the eyes are the window to the soul is each interaction not intimate? How could I be ok with risking another moment of her soft skin brushing against his? Imagine the number of nerve endings that felt that touch.

It fills me with such a vibrant rage. He's lucky we both have work today or he'd be in a world of pain.

"Morning Maeve," Noah said passing by my desk. I looked up to greet him and noticed a shiny new watch on his wrist.

"Good morning. New bling?" I nodded towards his watch.

He looked down at it. "Yeah, it's a congratulations gift from my dad. For the new job."

"It's nice."

"Did something good happen?" he asked.

I creased my brows, tilting my head to the side.

"You usually don't greet me so happily."

All my anger is directed elsewhere right now. I don't have the energy to fight two men.

"I got ice cream yesterday."

"Must have been some good ice cream. If you're in the talking mood. Did you decide on staying on as my assistant?"

"I did decide and no I'm not. This isn't my path to take. There are a lot of good people here that would love that job and the opportunity to grow in the company. " I looked out at my coworkers working hard at their job. "Has Evie applied to it?"

Noah smiled, "She has, and you're right. She would be an excellent assistant."

I smiled back.

"You're not a bad guy Noah."

"So, you like me now?"

"I wouldn't go that far."

It's funny how being in love changes the way you view other people. I know he's classically handsome. To some people, maybe even more so than Roman. He has everything a girl could want, but I don't feel anything. No level of attraction.

"I like you, and I'm going to be sad to see you go. Good luck with the future." He tapped on my desk with two long fingers.

I'm going to need all the luck I can get. I'm putting everything on the line by quitting right now, but I have to chase my dreams. For me and for Roman. This entire time I thought I needed to do this for him, but I can see it taking shape now. I can see what MY dream is.

I want to talk to Roman.

After pushing through the day, I rushed back as soon as I could. How do I bring it up though? As soon as I got home, the leftover tension in the air was palpable.

Every little comment I made to him, "I'm cooking dinner, I'm taking a shower", was followed by an aching in my heart. I just want to talk to him.

After my shower, I found him on the balcony looking up at the night sky. It's moments like this that make me love him most. Sometimes I forget how alike we are. That we both look out at this world with such childish wonder. 

I leaned on the railing next to him. Looking up at the moon I thought about an old Japanese folktale I heard at college. It stuck with me because I wanted to find a man like the one in the story.