Products of Music

Sana

Sana - Up Dharma Down

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It has been like 4 months? Since our break-up. At akala ko na after nung break-up namin things would just, you know, just be normal--Pero nagkamali pala ako.

Dahil in that span of four months, I'll admit that I was in my worst.

Sinubukan kong maging masaya despite the break-up. Despite bearing that feeling na dapat panindigan ko 'to because ako naman yung nakipag-break. Ako yung nagsabi sakaniya na we need to focus on our careers, on our studies. Na masyado ko na siyang nabibigyan ng attention lagi that I am slowly beginning to lose time for my other priorities. Though alam kong kasalanan ko rin kasi ako naman talaga yung sobrang clingy sakaniya, sobrang sweet, na halos ipagsigawan ko na sa buong mundo na mahal ko siya. Na akin siya. Na mahal ako ng isang Mika Reyes.

Masyado ata akong na-overwhelm sa mga nangyari this past year.

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"Manong, ano? Sasama ka ba?" Pauly asked me when he entered my room.

Pauly has been one of my bestfriends. As in nandiyan talaga siya para pukpukin yung ulo ko (not literally pero minsan oo) kapag medyo nagiging stubborn ako or naliligaw ng landas. Pauly was even the one who got really mad at me for breaking up with Mika. Akala niya daw si Mika na talaga makakapagpabago sakin, makakapagpatino sakin. Naniniwala daw siyang si Mika na yung katapat ko.

Well Pauly was right with that naman. Mika was really my game changer. Kaso mukhang pinanghinaan ata ako ng loob. Bigla akong natakot. Hinayaan kong lumamang yung takot ko. Paano kong 'di ko kayanin? I don't wanna end up hurting Mika.

Which was very ironic because nasaktan ko na siya ngayon.

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"Yeah yeah! Sasama ako!" I told Pauly as I wore my blue and orange Flyknits and followed him towards our car at the garage. Thirdy volunteered to drive.

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These past four months I've been doing everything to divert my attention and focus on anything but her. Kaso ang hirap pala. I've been going out to parties almost twice to thrice a week, I've been busy with my shootings sa TV5. People even have mistaken me having a thing with my friend, co-athlete-and-schoolmate, Aly which was funny but it hurt me seeing all those bad things being said to me by other people lalo na yung mga dati naming fans ni Mika. They've been saying things to me which hurt me. My friends would always tell me to just ignore them. Pero I want to prove to them na hindi ako yung mga sinasabi nila. But the only way to prove that to them is to get Mika back. Na hindi ko naman talaga gustong saktan si Miks. Kaso paano? Paano kung naka-pagmove on na siya? Paano kung wala na talaga? That this is the end of our lovestory?

I've aslo been focusing on basketball and on my last season this UAAP. I want us to get the championship this year. Our team's leading but Thirdy's telling me na iba daw ang laro ko. Kulang daw ako sa inspiration. Which was very obvious na pinaparating niya sakin na Mika inspired me so much back then.

Pero ang hirap pala talaga. Ang hirap magpanggap na masaya ka talaga, na kuntento ka na. Dadating ka pa rin sa point na may kulang. May kulang eh. And sa mga oras na yun, I've come to realize na Siya.

Siya yung kulang.

Siya lang yung makakapagpasaya talaga sakin.

Siya lang yung magpapakuntento sakin.

Ang tanga mo Kiefer! Ang tanga mo at pinakawalan mo pa siya!

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We arrived at Eastwood at sinalubong kami ng Lings. Yes, the Lings--Nice, Kim, and Tin. It was just a hang-out at a kitchen bar. I was happy because the Lings welcomed me with open arms. Namiss daw nila ako and it was really sweet of them for being nice to me pa rin despite everything.