Beloved LadyBug

A/N

Long time no hear,

I'll start with my deepest apology.

First things first,

The time I finally entered college, it was new to me. The place, the faces and your problems...

It was nice, I met my social group and had fun in my time spent with them. I love them (this stays here, shhh).

But most of all, at the same time, arose my problems...

My family being the number 2 at the list.
My time at high-school, I knew there was something wrong with the family. I had a hunch.

Entering college was just revealing the problems day by day and slowly having an awareness of yourself and you family's problem.

It's hard for my mentality. It is hard...
Tiring, but I want to push through...

My number 1 problem is myself in the list.

Entering college, I finally knew myself... or some of it ...

1. I am disrespectful to to some of my family...

Especially to my mother.

Now you guys would say I'm lucky to have her but I am conflicted how I feel about her which brings...

2. My mother. At first, I love her. She's my mother, she took care of me, gave me allowance, bought me what I want. I took her spare change.

But as I grew, she turned into someone who took care of me...

Then turned into just a woman who gave birth to me...

It hurts, I sometimes feel envious of others but I pray to God for forgiveness of having such thoughts.

Mother may not be aware of what she is doing to us but I knew... I knew...

I thought for sure it's always physical violence...

But it was my mentality and emotions.

Some days she's nice and off to her phone, tiktok.

Then yells... the more she yells the more I hated her voice even when she speaks...

I'm sorry...

3. The dogs. I have no problem with them. I love dogs... I adore them bit there is a limit...

My mom has many dogs... she thinks she can take care of them but no... she expects us to do the same...
This is what's hurting my mentality. I'm turn of my love for dogs and mother's action.

My father has a stable job. The money is high but it decreases due to high maintenance for the dogs, tuition for my siblings and I and our needs.

4. My mother is a liar... I hate it... she spends money... like a millionaire but it's all useless things she orders...

The times that I was pushing through my problems, wattpad was forgotten...

So this I have to say... Last year. I rewrote the whole chapters, from 1 till now... the story had a bit of plot holes and some didn't make sense.

I gotta say, I sorry for making you wait but I will have to ask you to wait again. Just a few months... please...

I'll end this chapter with a prayer of my own.

Dear Lord Almighty,

I thank you for waking me up to another day and another 'morrow

I thank you for the food that nourishes our body

I thank you for the safely travels and rides

Bless my family and guide them with light and goodness

Let them never be astray from your warmth and love

I ask that you cleanse my soul and sins, let them be washed away further

I will always remember your love and sacrifice for us

This we ask this through you forever son and holy spirit,

Amen.

To Muslims, may Allah be with you.