Worth The Fight ✓

Chapter Twenty Eight

QUOTE OF THE CHAPTER:

  "Lies and secrets, Tessa, they are like a cancer in the soul. They eat away what is good and leave only destruction behind."
― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince

Dedication: thepurplerose (because Shei is so kind and amazing)

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CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT

The week of finals arrive also known as the entrance of distance and excessive study. The past week I've tried to prepare myself to admit him about the accident (I've decided to call it that because I couldn't bring myself to call it anything else.) but whenever I looked into his eyes, I realised I can't do that. I won't throw myself into hell knowingly. I know I'm already there but he doesn't have to know.

Each day, each moment I am more drawn to him, his smile, his face and it makes me even more selfish. I want to say to him that I'm a complete bitch and I made a huge mistake – I've slept with the person he warned me about and I've done it drunk right after I lied to him about going home. There is no point of trying to justice myself because it's my fault – all of this. I shouldn't have trusted Richard, because although I don't want to admit, he has feelings for me. He doesn't want to admit it either. That's why I avoid him at all costs, I don't want to hear and add more drama into my dramatic life.

Calvin is so busy with finals and he keeps giving advice about how I should be concerned about my grades because they are finals, but I can't force myself to study with a pile of bad thoughts on my way.

We've had Maths today and I think I will get a D. Not because a miracle happened but he came last night and tutored me for an hour. I didn't listen properly but it seems I've understood enough with the attention I paid. He, on the other hand, gave his paper with a smile and I knew he was going to get a high grade – as always – and I didn't want to wipe the happiness away. My mind purposefully try to make excuses not to admit him. And so far, it's being successful.

Lately he keeps asking me how I feel. My answer is always the same: fine. Because why not? In reality, I feel like shit – I can't sleep, eat or drink. I don't talk to anyone at home again, it feels like I've never made any progress. I feel like the previous Jack who hasn't met Calvin. I hate everyone. I randomly yell or punch things. I hold myself not to punch people. Calvin doesn't push it because

Meanwhile, I've avoided Richard at all costs. He attempted to talk to me a few times but I mumbled something like I'm busy or I need to study. He didn't push it but I know he's pissed off – not that I give a fuck.

Now I'm at my locker, which I can spot Richard's and he's standing there like a ghost. He doesn't seem so concerned about his finals either because I heard he threw another party last night and rumor has it that he's been with Megan all night. I don't believe it though. At least not until Megan ends up at his locker and says sweet nothings and giggles. He doesn't react any of those and slams his locker as he turns back. Our eyes meet and he gives a sharp glance as he walks away. Yet all I see is Megan's disappointed face in the background.

Since tomorrow is the project's deadline, Calvin left school early with Stella because they are going to look through it once again. They've been spending a great deal of time together lately and I don't mention it even though it bothers me to hell. It's not that I don't trust Calvin – I absolutely do – but Stella's behaviour has changed so far. She isn't that sweet geek anymore, her words and actions come off hostile towards me which suspects me if she has an interest in Calvin. Then, I remember the words she said in the party and how she liked our friendship and I change my mind. It must be my own thought because I want to find an excuse to justice myself.

After school, I leave the class a bit late because the teacher asks me if anything is wrong because I've actually paid attention to the lecture. Therefore when I vacate the class, school is almost empty. I walk the empty corridors, listening to my foot steps and thinking how silent it is – for days I tried to be in loud places where I can't think of because whenever I do, it doesn't end well.

Somebody grabs my arm when I turn right, heading through exit. "You scared me," I gasp as I realise Richard.

"We need to talk," he says out of breath, giving the bad signals. His worried face horrifies me. What if Calvin learnt?

"What is it?" I ask impatiently.

He rubs the nape of his neck. "I've lost my sketchbook."

I sigh with relief. "Oh, and why should I be bothered?" I arch my eyebrow and cross my arms together. I remember it has some pictures of me but it doesn't say anything about that night.

"Because..." He pauses. "It might include something people shouldn't learn."

"Like what?" I snap. He bites his bottom lip and smash his hand against the wall. "What the hell is wrong, Ric?" I ask again, worried.

"I left it in the art class," he says, looking anywhere but me. "I have no idea who got it."

"M – maybe it's there," I suggest. "You didn't see it." I start walking to the art class in the hope for it's still there. I don't know why but I sense something is terribly wrong. What did he do? I suddenly remember Calvin is also taking art and I quicken my steps in turn. The classroom is empty and I look everywhere. The desks, teacher's table and all. It's nowhere to be seen. Someone has taken it but who?

Running a hand through my hair, I vacate the class. Richard is waiting there for me with clenched fists. "It's not there," I say and he looks up at me. "You still haven't told me why we are looking for that damn sketchbook."

He rolls his eyes. "Well, basically if Calvin, or someone, finds it, we're fucked."

I laugh in relief. "No worries then, we're already fucked."

"Jack, I'm serious."

"What did you draw there?"

He looks down. "You," he mumbles slowly. I notice his cheeks blushing slightly and I can't help – he wouldn't draw me...No.

"Did you – did you?"—I laugh—"No way."

"I did," he answers the question I've never dared to ask.

"What the fuck?" I yell. "Did you draw me naked? Or wait, did you bring it to school? What were you thinking? Are you kidding me?"

"Not naked. Just-"

I grimace. "You know what? I don't want to know." He looks at me, bemused and a bit heartbroken. I point my finger at him. "Let's find it before Calvin finds out – if he does, I ruin your life with mine, Ric, I swear I will. It's all because of your carelessness."

"I had to get it out of my mind, Jack," he says. "I'm sorry." His lips are pressed together.

"Get me out of your mind," I repeat in disbelief. "You're pathetic."

His jaw fastened, almost trembled but he didn't say anything.

Huffing a breath, I spin on my feet and walk to the door. I just hope it wasn't Calvin who found it. If that's anyone but him, I can find a way to make them keep it a secret. But if that's him, I don't know what I would do. Or how he'd react although I feel like I know him really well. Realisation hits me that I've only known one side of him: the good. I don't know how it feels to get on the bad side of Calvin Gilmore.

And it scares the hell out of me.

The sound of a phone brings me back to life. I turn to see Richard still standing at the door of art class, leaned on the wall. He shoots a nervous glance at me before he answers.

"Calvin," he says. I watch him carefully as his face expression changes. "Yeah,"—he nods—"I – I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

I take a sharp breath. "What did he say?"

He doesn't answer and passes me by. As he finds his way to the door and holds the grip, I yell after him once again. "Hey! I asked something."

He doesn't turn back.

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