The Unforgiving Moon

31.

Our Moon reflected her blue hues all over the city, illuminating the faces of passersby and casting the streets in silver. It had rained a little in the early evening, and the remaining droplets on the cobblestone streets reflected and made the streets look like they were shining.

It was a marvel to walk around in the city this time—it looked magical, so peaceful. During the rainfall, most people stayed inside, but as soon as the skies dried, life resumed and life scattered along the glittering remains of the rain.

The white light of the street lights added a different kind of shimmer—silver, white, and blue shone all around. It was one of my favorite times to walk around in the city: at night, right after rain.

It was surely better than rotting in my bed, consumed by plaguing thoughts and surrounded by stained items that reeked of intruders.

I needed to tire myself, so falling asleep would come easily, without thinking about who had busted in my room and made a mess of it, without thinking about all the disgust that awaited me outside of the four walls of my room.

Feytan and Aven were busy discussing war tactics I wasn't privy to, and by the general mood Aven had been in today and the big grin on Shanza's face she didn't even bother hiding—I assumed she'd been present in those meetings as well.

I'd looked for Lotta after my meeting with Feytan yesterday, but she had disappeared again and still hadn't shown up today.

I didn't think Aven would send her away on another mission without either of them telling me about it—but I also didn't know how much Aven truly trusted me. Feytan had told me he'd intended for our meeting to be just him, Lotta, and I, to talk about what happened in Spitta when we rescued him.

And after Shanza's interruption, we still hadn't talked about everything.

I hadn't told him about the Pool of Death yet, or the possibility of my powers. I wanted to—I needed to, but the moment to tell him never presented itself. At this point, it was only a matter of time before he'd see the Temple himself, or someone from this pack would tell him about it.

I was surprised none had done so already. Especially Mallee, who still shot me down with evil glares every time she saw me. Shanza still looked at me with a puzzled, hungry look and I didn't know which one of the two upset me more.

One thing was clear: both wanted to hurt me, and to see me dead.

I still had no idea who Shanza was, or what her link to Aven was.

I wanted to ask Lotta, but she'd vanished again and even when she reappeared, I had the feeling she was never really here. A part of her had died in Spitta right beside Vince, and I didn't know how to fix it—how to fill the hole he left. They were soulmates, two halves of a whole that now could never be one again.

Because now, she knew as well as I, that even after this life they wouldn't reunite. Because I had told her the truth—which had much more implications than I thought. Our Moons didn't bless us, they hated us. Sariranyasa had literally told me: no salvation would be awaiting me. And I was a so-called chosen one.

What would that mean for other people? Would they suffer endlessly? Would they cease to exist altogether?

Neither were good because both meant Lotta would never, ever see Vince again. And that truth had been the hardest of all for her, I believed. Her heart had been ripped out and shredded, and she had no way to get it back.

No way at all.

So I walked into the city at night, escaping these plaguing thoughts to the best of my abilities. I didn't drink anymore—not to forget about my existence, anyway—or go home with strangers. I only walked around in a city where insults could be awaiting me behind every corner.