Adriana Williams Holden: The Diary of my life

1.

I could remember it like yesterday, my father disliked and did not understand my mother's mental health and her problems throughout my early childhood.

I thought for the longest time, that it was because of me that her mental health declined and got worse, she would self-harm herself/lose control of herself, break down over small things, snap, and go out of control for no reason. But not until I found out her real issues and problems weren't because of me.

Not her daughter.

But herself.

She was fighting her demons.

And with dealing with the demons, she had more from my father added more demons to her mental self.

It is something that I wish would have helped her with, but instead, I kept my distance and kept away from her to focus on myself, and my up-and-coming career.

_____________

April 15, 1945.

"Mom, how long does it take for us to get from home to school?"

"Adriana, please, I have no time to ask silly questions like that!" my mother said in an annoyed way as she looked through my bathroom cabinet looking for hair ties for my hair.

"I am going to be late for school!" I said softly to myself but I heard a loud slam as my mother turned me around, facing her, looking me up and down.

"Why are you being so mean and disrespectful to me this morning? I have done nothing to you, I woke up, picked out your outfits, combed your hair, helped you put toothpaste on your toothbrush, and now you're rushing me!"

"I usually do it myself. I don't need your help anymore, I am a big girl now!" I said to her as she backed away from me, as she held her hands over her mouth before she screamed before rushing out of the bathroom and out of my room. I got down off the stool and followed her as I could hear her shout, "SHE HATES ME! SHE HATES ME!".

My father and grandmother came up the stairs fast as my grandmother picked me up. "Did your mother hurt you?"

"No... I think I hurt her feelings again!"

"More like she hurting your feelings again! I can't deal with this shit anymore!" My father said pulling his sleeves up before kneeling and kissing me on the head. "Have a great day at school! I will pick you up after school!" My father said before heading into the room, my grandmother took me downstairs and sat me down next to my grandfather, as he served me some breakfast.

"Little A! Eat your breakfast and me and grandma will drop you off at school!"

"Is mommy going to be okay? Is she not feeling good again!"

I looked between both of them but my grandparents didn't say a word as they ate their breakfast, sipping their coffee and not answering my question. I ate my breakfast in silence as I looked up watching both my grandparents talk with their eyes before our attention went to the loud glass break upstairs.

"I HATE YOU! CAN YOU SEE I WANT YOU TO LOVE ME AGAIN BEFORE YOU FELL FOR THAT NIGGER!"

"YOU ARE OUT OF LINE AND OUT OF IT! YOU NEED HELP!"

I finish up my breakfast, drinking my milk fast before I get up from the chair, and grab my book bag, as my grandparents follow behind me. My grandpa grabbed his keys, before pushing me softly out of the door, along with my grandma, but she stopped and was about to head back inside but my grandpa stopped her.