Let Yourself Fall (Liam Payne)

Chapter 37 ~ Darcy

Chapter 37 ~ Darcy

I haven’t been this happy in so long that I can’t get rid of the silly smile plastered on my lips, it’s just that having Liam with me again is the most wonderful thing that had happened to me since I moved to Concepción. It’s like he has brought me light again, I feel lighter, I feel alive again. I feel I’m home again, when he holds me in his arms, when he kisses me, I feel like I’m where I belong. I don’t have that hole in my chest eating me from inside when I look him in the eyes, or that desire to burst out crying because I don’t know what to do. I’ve thought so much of what I should do, and I’ve really tried to make things work. I’ve met more people, mostly fans of the boys, and they have been all so wonderful. There’s this girl, she’s about my age and she studies medicine, Maje. She the only one I can call a friend here, we can talk about so many things and we go and have coffee every time she has a break. She speaks English fluently, so we don’t have any problem communicating and she is even helping me with my Spanish. I promised her I would help her to meet the boys.

The point is, I’ve really tried to feel at home here, but I can’t. Even if I made a friend and I’ve really grown fond of her, I still feel like I don’t belong here. Maje is studying what she loves whilst I can’t, even if I want to go to uni, it’s just impossible. I’m really terrible at Spanish.

But now Liam is here and for first time in six months, I feel whole again. He looks at me with that smile and it seems like all this time we’ve been apart has been worth it, he is with me again. I’ve missed him so much, I can’t believe we haven’t seen each other in so long, but my feelings for him only grew in strength in this time. I love him even more.

And then I think he will be here only for three days and then he will be gone. I won’t see him again in months, maybe until next year. The only thought is like a dagger through my chest and I even feel my head spinning as my knees go weak. How am I supposed to handle that? I feel alive, I feel happy now that he’s here, but once he leaves, he will take all this happiness and light with him again and I’ll stay here, in a place where I don’t belong.

Mum gave me the option, she told me that I could go back to London if that makes me happy and I really want to go back, to be with Liam and study what I want, but how can I leave Lizzie behind? She’s been my whole life for so long and not because I started to live my own life it means I can forget about her and just care about my own desires. I know she has Mum now, but still, I’ve been for her all this time, if I leave… she’d feel like I don’t love her anymore, that I don’t want to be with her and be a family.

I want to jump into this, but she is holding me back in a way. When she was just a little baby I promised her that I would never hurt her, but if I leave… I’ll be breaking my promise. I can’t do that, even if it means to be unhappy.

“Something wrong?” Liam asks when I’m driving home. Management asked me to take him to the hotel immediately, but Liam wanted to see Lizzie first. So at the end, I end up driving home with the boys on the back seat and Liam next to me.

“Nothing, I was just thinking,” I answer without taking my eyes off of the road. I have to pay even more attention whilst driving here, sating at the right is so hard.

I feel his unease and I really want to smile at him at least, but I’m afraid to look away. Later, when we’re home, we can talk. I’m sure he won’t let this pass, he surely feels my discomfort. But I’m afraid of telling him that Mum gave me the choice to leave. What if he asks me to go back? To go with him and leave my family behind? It’s already hard to think of saying I want to leave to Lizzie. If he asks me to go and I decide to stay, how am I going to tell him that? And I know that he asks me that, I will want to say yes, to leave and go back home, with him.