Let Yourself Fall (Liam Payne)

Chapter 29 ~ Darcy

Chapter 29 ~ Darcy 

“Are you gonna pick up?” Carter asks me when he sees the screen of my mobile lighting up. I put the gadget aside and keep drinking my coffee.

It is still morning, not even noon and I’m spending my free time with my best friend who happens to have a break between classes and work. I just didn’t know who to go to after all that. I barely slept last night, thinking over and over again about that fight with Liam, the things I said and how I acted. He is calling me right now, he has tried to call me all morning but I don’t want to pick up. Not yet.

I haven’t said a thing to Carter, we’ve been here in the café for almost fifteen minutes already but I’ve said nothing at all. I… I’m just so confused. I’m mad at Liam, for being like a kid when he needs to be mature. We’re talking about his health, it’s not a game nor something that can be easily fixed if he makes a mistake. If he does, it may be too late. However, I’m also mad at myself for yelling at him that way. I’m not making things easy for him either and I know why he does all this, but I just… I’m just afraid something may happen to him again. That fear paralyses me.

I know I should answer Liam’s calls, but I can utter a single word. I haven’t been able in the whole day. Nor even to Lizzie and I know I left her worried when I drove her to her school this morning. I sent Carter a text, I couldn’t even call him.

“What happened, Darcy?” He asks and I sigh deeply, very interested in the foam of my coffee. “I can’t just wait here until you decide to tell me. Knowing you, that may never happen.”

He is right. I’ve always put myself in second place, with my feelings and everything. He has been there for me forever, knowing when he has to force me to talk and when he doesn’t have to.  The problem, I think, is that I haven’t quite decided how to feel about all this yet. I haven’t chosen my side.

“I had a fight with Liam,” I whisper, the first words I’ve said in the whole day. “About his health. Again.”

Over the table, Carter takes my hand and squeezes it gently. I look up to meet his eyes and I see him smiling at me encouragingly. “He will be fine, you know that.”

“I know, I’m just worried he will get bad again, out of the blue and I– I can’t see that happening again, Carter. I don’t like the person I am when all I can care about is his health. I know I’m driving him crazy, that I’m impossible and overbearing, but I just… I…” I choke in my own words, not clear with my own situation. “I don’t wanna hurt him in any possible way, but I think he may get tired of me and the way I’ve been acting, so protective over him. He told me I’m acting like his mum.”

Carter strokes the back of my hand with his thumb in that comforting way that he has always done. “And you don’t wanna talk to him because you’re scared he may be mad at you?” He suggests and I shrug because I’m not sure if that’s the case or not. “Well, Darcy, I don’t think he is calling you to tell you to fuck off or anything like that. Probably he wants to talk this through, you know.”

I sigh again. It is the most likely possibility, but still, I can’t make myself pick up the phone.

“What’s wrong with me?” I ask my best friend, hoping he will have the answer I need.

“I wish I could tell you that, but I can’t.” I look down, resignation crushing my hopes mercilessly.

“I guess I don’t know how to be a girlfriend after all. I only know how to be this mother-like figure. It’s all what I’ve been with Lizzie and now I’m doing the same with Liam, aren’t I?” I dare to look at Carter and the thin line his lips are making tells me all the answer I need. I groan. “But I really wanna be with Liam, I don’t wanna be like this.”