Let Yourself Fall (Liam Payne)

Chapter 20 ~ Liam

Chapter 20 ~ Liam

We’re going to have our little break after this show and I couldn’t be happier. I know they are allowing this mostly because of me. It’s no surprise I’m not doing well, I’ve lost weight, I don’t eat like before, I get so tired so easily, my energy isn’t like before and I’m pale like a ghost. Darcy is really worried, so worried she’s even here with me tonight and it’s not the first time she’s been here in the last few weeks. Luckily, her mum is here so she can go out without worrying over Lizzie. But still, I feel bad when I see her worried eyes on me, when she sees me pushing my food aside because I don’t have appetite. The lads are not better, they are over me all the time, urging me to eat more, get rest and go to the doctor, but I don’t have time.

“Guys, seriously, I’ll go tomorrow and I’ll stay in bed for two days. Happy? After this break everything will be fine, don’t worry,” I tell them when we are in the dressing room. Darcy is next to me and I have my arm around her shoulders, keeping her close. “I’ll be fine,” I tell her this time, looking in her chocolate eyes.

“While Lizzie is at school I can go to your place and look after you,” she offers and I smile. I’m not a little kid that needs to be taken care of, like Lizzie, let’s say, but if that means spending time with Darcy, I’m totally up for that idea.

“That sounds lovely,” I tell her kissing her cheek lightly. I know they guys are not comfortable with public display of affection, nor is Darcy, so I just leave those moments for when we’re alone or no one is paying attention to us.

“Five minutes to go,” one of the sound engineers tell sus showing his face through the door.

I stand up and the guys check their reflections one more time. Lou checks that our outfits are okay and our hairstyles before nodding approvingly, letting us know we can go. I turn around to look at Darcy and I peck her lips quickly. “Good luck,” she says and I smile, still very close to her lips. “I’ll wait for you backstage.”

“That’s the best encourage I need,” I tell her and her smile grows.

“Just go and leave them with their mouths hanging. Like you always do.” Her eyes shine with pride and I feel my heart racing at the way she’s looking at me. “See you soon,” she adds.

I nod and leave the dressing room, almost running to catch up with the guys who are receiving their mics already. I normally get a rush of adrenaline before a gig and I feel like I could do anything, like a bloody superhero. Like Batman! But tonight I’m already exhausted and that rush doesn’t make me feel invincible anymore. Truth be told, I can’t wait for this to be over and have my rest.

* * *

We’re performing Little Things and my head is sipping and I feel dizzy. I even mess up a note and Zayn looks at me worriedly, and I blink a couple of times to clear my vision, but my head is still spinning and I feel the ground is moving now, more than usual. I sigh relieved when Louis starts his solo and try to breathe in deeply. Zayn’s eyes are on me, knowing something is wrong but we can’t stop, not in the middle of the performance.

I fight with all my strengths to control this, at least until the show is over but I feel worse with every second that passes. I feel so weak, all my limps are feeble and I can barely stand on my feet when we finish the song, but I keep going, pushing myself to the limit. I can’t let everyone down now, I can’t just lose control over my body in the middle of the gig. I can’t do that to the guys or our fans.

Just a wee more. I have to hold it a little bit more.

But time seems to freeze, the seconds extend for eternity and I can’t breathe properly. I haven’t hit many notes already and though I know the fans always forgive us for this, I can’t stop getting angry at myself for not keeping it together.