State of Mind(HIATUS.4.S2)

11

Marcy's POV:

.....

......Don't you ever get suspicious of Happy moments??

...Like how, it's always sunny before there rain, sometimes you can tell ahead when the storm is coming and others....you just can't.

There's always the happy moments before a disaster and you can sometimes tell it's going to happen

I've always saw happiness as a sign for something bad, like how the tide pulls in before the Tsunami hits

.....Things have been too good for too long...why.

Something is going to happen. I know it. It's always does and it's always after something good, always. Its suspicious and anxiety inducing

It's annoying, bothering me. What and why and why are these moments long?!?

That feeling. It makes you disgusted. Makes you regret everything you've done and second guess everything you feel and accepted.

I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to think this way.

.....I don't want to regret them.

I don't! ....I just.

Why does this have to happen.

Something really bad is going to happen. The amount of time I've been happy has got to mean something big.

Staring at them....it makes my heart ache. I don't know what I've been planning, I guess I never planned to have this for long but I just started having it...

We just got together about 2- 2 and a half months ago, I don't think I have to protect her like that...I don't think I have to hurt myself like that this time but ...I'm having suspicions that Sasha may know about Darcy and with these ....Episodes happening, it's definitely on her mind.

.....Sometimes.... well I used to, but there's times I have doubts about Darcy. Yeah they've helped me so far but you never know when someone is going to stab you in the back, defiantly them.

I don't feel that way anymore but I don't know if it's good or bad but I think they're finally good

Ever so often I get flashbacks from years ago, usually before I became aware of Darcy's Presence but never much after that

It's usually when I was in a bad state or being scolded by my parents, or sometimes before I decided to...do bad things ...to myself...The feelings come with it and I have to relive the whole experience.

I haven't had one in a while but it's this time I relived a moment I didn't even remember

-----

'sorry kid but you're stuck with me! Haha jeez you're super skinny have you been eating?? You look horrible and hey! Your arms aren't cutting boards!~'

I gripped the hot knife in my Shakey hand I couldn't control myself, I just started stabbing my leg, I only stopped about 4 stabs in after I heard ..Them laugh

'YOURE A MESS KID! HEY THOSE AREN'T CUTS THOSE ARE BURN MARKS HAHA! TO THINK YOU WERE THE SAME KID I THOUGHT WAS A PRODIGY- PFFF'

"AHHHGG SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!- I WAS A KID! I WAS 13!! I DIDNT DESERVE IT. I WAS TOO YOUNG!! I WAS INNOCENT AND YOU TOOK THAT FROM ME! YOU HAD HIM KILL ME AND I WAS NEVER THE SAME AFTER THAT. YOU DID THIS. JUST SO YOU CAN HAVE A STUPID HOST YOU KILLED HER."

Thought flashed through my head and whirled around. Should I stab myself? Should I stab my chest and end it? ....My throat would be more effective...

'Ha! You're still a kid, you're what? 15? And Innocent?? Pffft what do you mean you didn't deserve it? Don't you remember? YOU. We're the one who started this. If you didn't get selfish and bring your little friends to Amphibia this never would have happened, the box would still be here on earth and I never would have had that chance but guess what? You brought it straight to me. You Weren't innocent at all!