You Can Lean On Me

Yellow (Hikaru POV)

"It must be terribly sad-
being yellow.
To bring bliss to everyone else,
yet
feeling no joy themselves."

I've been thinking about that quote every time I see Tooru. That's why I decided to confront him. He's been acting extra preppy and happy but I can see the dark circles forming under his eyes. I see him indulging his fangirls as always, making them smile and swoon but once they're gone, his smile drops and he becomes a ghost of the sparkly persona he had only moments ago.

It's another day of watching him switch around from the yellow-happy Tooru to the dying sunflower-yellow when he drops the mask. I worry about him. He's been out practicing a lot lately and even missed the last two weeks of sleepovers.

I sigh and stare at the back of Tooru's head as class is finishing up. His normally pristine chocolate-brown hair is slightly mussed as he keeps trying not to nod off during the lecture, almost failing as his head droops again, causing his chin to slip from its position on top of his fist. His hand ruffles his hair again as he catches himself before his head hits his desk. I shake my head softly and look past Tooru, to the teacher at the front of the classroom announcing that we can clean up. 

Today is my best chance to talk to him without him making an excuse to run away because we're both on cleaning duty. The class president starts listing off who is doing what cleaning duty today and I tap Tooru on the shoulder, waking him up just before the president announces our cleaning duty.

"-and Oikawa and Aoki are assigned to sweeping and mopping. That is all, and a quick reminder that if anyone wants to volunteer an extra day tomorrow, please let me know because Tsukasa will likely still be out sick according to his mother."

"C'mon, Tooru! Everyone is already moving their desks so we'd better hurry up and go get the brooms and mop," I announce, tugging him to his feet

"I'll go fill the mop bucket," Tooru mutters, sensing that I'm going to make him talk.

I set down the brooms and glance into the closet before smiling at him.

"I'll go with you, we need a second mop and the big supply closet is right next to where you need to fill the bucket, right?"

He sighs in defeat and nods, leading the way. I jog to catch up with him and he avoids looking at me.

"Tooru, you ignoring me just reinforces that something is wrong," I say, grabbing his arm and pulling him under the stairs by the supply closet, "Now spill. I've seen you overworking yourself and I can see the eyebags so don't lie to me. You're off practicing volleyball every free second you have until you get kicked out of the gym. It's not healthy."

Tooru stares at the wall behind me.

"It's okay, Hikaru-kun. I just need a distraction for a bit and the team needs to practice for the spring prelims anyways. It's a good outlet for me, but I'll tone it back. I forgot to show self-restraint and got swallowed up in my competitiveness to beat Ushiwaka-chan, haha~" he laughs, smiling that big fake smile at me.

I don't know whether to feel disgusted or concerned that he's giving me of all people his people-pleasing persona when he knows I can see right through it. I roll my eyes and chew my lip.

"Then stop skipping our weekly sleepovers, okay? It makes me worry and I miss you. You're always practicing during all our breaks and I don't even get to see you for sleepovers," I mumble

"Okay. Just... no having Iwa-chan over for sleepovers for a while."

"Okay."

I know he's still hiding things and not telling me the full truth, but I'll take what I can get at this point. Tooru has been so distant that having him talk to me feels almost foreign. I grab another mop while he fills the bucket and we get back to the class to clean. I glance at him sweeping the floor and it looks like he's spacing out. Tooru could really use some more sleep and he said okay so I think he'll try to sleep more.

I gather the dust in a pan and a student cleaning the blackboard offers to throw out the dust with their chalk dust. I thank her and start mopping. I try to subtly watch Tooru because he's been extra tired today and I don't want him to fall asleep standing but he just looks really... down. 

As Tooru puts his broom back in the closet at the back of the classroom, Hajime steps in and claps him on the back.

"Hey, you should have told me you had cleaning duty today so I could have set up the gym for you."

Tooru flinches and quickly changes his expression before turning to face Hajime.

"It slipped my mind, Iwa-chan! Don't just stand here, like you said- one of us has to go start setting up the gym so get to it," Tooru whines, playfully

Hajime groans and nods, calling out a quick greeting to me as he walks back out of the classroom. Tooru deflates a little once Hajime is out of sight.

Yep. That quote definitely fits him... a little too well.