A Rose In Harlem

14

The biggest impact Chicagos mothers death had on him wasn't the fact he grew up with no mother. That sounded crazy to say, but it wasn't. It wasn't the on going trauma and flash backs of seeing her bleed out in front of him -although that was a close second. It was easily the fact that ever since that day he realized everyone died, no matter no much you loved them, how much you cared everyone died. You could beg and plead to whoever you believe in but when it was their time to go they went. Even if it wasn't the time you expected them to do so. They left you to learn how to live without them. Since then the boy kept everyone at a arms length. Rather he realized it or not he slowly pushed people away- brought them back in if they were lucky and only to be pushed back away. Chicago hasn't allowed himself to make friends, fall in love or trust anyone fully since that day. He didn't think he could recoup from another person he loved so much die. He at such a young age came to a realization, if you don't love you won't be effected. That was easily said then done. When he fell In love with Kenya he would often remind himself he wasn't worthy of love, that people he care about tend to get hurt and he wasn't one of the lucky ones. Everyone would eventually leave him- he built himself up to be alone. But yet now at 23 he realized he might not actually want that. Then again it was Chicago were talking about, he never moved to much on emotions before- so what changed now?

Chicago sat across from Kenya who was hung over- that part was obvious. The two both looking at each other for different reasons.Chicago for doing what he does back he was retreating, he tried to open up- tried to get more friends but now he was going back to a known safe space. She on the other hand was looking at him with confusion. She didn't mind having Chicago stay over the past few days but she knew something had to be up. He studied and minded his business like always, it almost felt like the old times . Almost. As much as she did want to get back together she didn't think this what what was happening. She knew the boy better then himself so right now she was trying to get to the bottom of it.  "So you missed me?"

"Miss you? You used to text me everyday" he started as he looked down into his notes for class. "If I don't text back fast enough you call"  he pointed out and she shrugged.

  "You could be dead- who knows what you spend your free time doing" smacking her lips she almost dropped the conversation but she couldn't. "Are you coming to me because I'm you're favorite person or coming to me because we're trauma  bonded?"

  "I don't know what that shit means" he responded although he had a feeling it was both of them mixed together. "Can we go buy this dumb ass car" he snapped finally and she only mocked him picking up her purse.

Trauma worked in different ways for different people. See Bishop also grew up without a mother, after his got sent back to Dominican Republic. Yet he never pushed anyone away, never was scared to meet or help new people. Infact he use to be a shy sensitive little boy, his trauma made him want to make sure nobody felt alone, sad- overwhelmed like he had felt. He remembered the night like it was yesterday, the police coming to knock down the door- him holding his 3 younger siblings close as his mom told them to hide in the room. The knocks got louder and more voices came from the outside of the door. His mom kissed all four of her kids and hugged them tight. Their house never had pictures up- nothing really they just moved in after staying in their aunts house. Finally having enough money for their own place. His mom had found a nanny job for a rich family. They paid well- until their older son accused her of stealing their money when he did instead. They did exactly what his mom was afraid of, they told. His mom was a illegal immigrant. The only way the kids got to be legal is their  aunt knew someone who help them lie and edit dna papers and stated that they were her kids. As soon as they were her kids it was easier for them to be accepted into the USA when one of their 'parents' had citizenship.
 
  "We will break down this door! Come out or we will come in with force" they yelled outside the door and his little sisters started to get scared. Bishop was the only boy out of four girls and often times his cousins joked that why he was more feminine. That wasn't why. Almost hitting his head with his older sister they both peaked out their bedroom. He was 11 at the time his older sister 14 . The twins were 9  and they had a 7 year old sister.
  
     His mom looked directly in their eyes and told them to run, they lived in basement apartment they could reach street level by their window. Bishop looked back and saw people walking by the window with flashlights then back at his mother. "We can't leave her" he said still naive to what was going on. They came to America when he was 5 he liked it here, they escaped poverty and abuse that was waiting for them if they got caught and sent back to their father in the  Dominican republic.