Maybe I fell for him | Changlix

Maybe I fell for him

I stood at the edge of my balcony, looking down at the street lights. The little, warm lights looked so beautiful from up here. For one second, I felt loved. Understood. I felt like these little lights were always there for me-shinning in the darkest nights. Just for me. But I knew that it was ridiculous. The lights are there. Not only for me. For everyone. But lights aren't humans. You can't chat with them, they can't give you advice. You can't communicate with them. They can't give you love. Love I need. I feel not welcome in this world. Nobody likes me. No, that's wrong. There are some people who like me, but they can't give me the love I need. They can't take my pain away. I know that they did a lot for me, and that's why I'm gonna miss them. But the pain is too big to be healed. And to be honest: It's one of the most beautiful nights I've ever seen from up here, so why not? Why not tonight? Tonight is a beautiful night to jump.
I placed one food on the chair next to me. A few seconds later I stood on the chair looking down for the last time. At the moment I was ready to jump a hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me from the chair. I fell to the ground and dragged the person who pulled me back with me. My elbows hurt as soon as I fell to the ground. I also felt pain in my left knee and pretty soon in my head. "Are you out of your mind?", the person next to me gasped. I tried to get up, but my knees didn't want me to. After a few seconds of trying, I gave up and sat on my butt not willing to look in his eyes. Since he had not received an answer from me, he stood up and lifted me in the bridal style up. Because it caught my off guard I clawed my fingers in one of his arms. He carried me through the door into the living room of my apartment, where he led me carefully on the sofa down. He then walked to the door of the balcony, closed it, walked to me and sat down next to me. I stared the whole time in the air, not able to think of anything. We sat there for a long time, not saying anything until I turned my head to him. I looked into his eyes, and then I felt the tears in my eyes. I blinked, and one tear fell down. Then another one. And then the third and fourth. He looked at me for a second like he wasn't sure what to do, then he pulled me into a careful but warm hug. "Where you really going to jump?", he asked softly. I nodded. After a few moments I managed to look at him. I saw tears in his eyes. "Would you have cared?" A tear fell down his cheek as he nodded. I had to look away. Seeing him sad right now made me feel even worse. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I thought it would be a relief for everyone if I had jumped.

The next morning I woke up in my bed. I still wear the same clothes as last night. I stood up. Or should I better say: I tried to get up. As soon as I wanted to put weight on my knee I felt pain. Pretty strong pain. I made an angry sound and tried it again. Now I was standing. At least. But the next challenge came: Walking. I don't know how, but I managed it to get in my living room. As soon as I entered it I saw the boy sleeping on my couch. I smiled. Changbin looked pretty cute lying there in his dark hoodie and jeans. His hair was a little bit messy, but I bet mine didn't look different from his. Besides that he looked pretty cute with messy hair. Wait! What am I doing here? Am I really admiring Changbin? Okay, honestly, it's not the first time I do it, but I think it's common between friends. There's nothing special about it, right? Wait! Am I trying to defend myself for something? Does that mean that... Uhh! Brain! Just shut up! I decided to go back to my bedroom, since I didn't want to wake him up, but before I even turned around to leave the room, Changbin opened his eyes and saw me. An insecure smile appeared on his face. "I hope it's okay that I stayed overnight?" I just nodded as answer and tried to go to the kitchen. Changbin must've seen the pain I have while walking on my face. He stood up and came over to support me. "Does it hurt a lot?", he asked. Again I just nodded as answer. "I can make breakfast if you want me to", he offered. "I'll help you." Changbin looked at me and raised his eyebrows. "Come on. You can't even stand without support", he said. "Just sit down and relax, okay?" I sighed but nodded. Changbin gave me support until I reached the sofa, where he made sure that I sat down carefully. After that he walked back to the kitchen, making breakfast for us.
After twenty minutes Changbin had prepared some delicious looking sandwiches and a glass of Cacao for both of us. "Thanks", I said as soon as Changbin sat down next to me. "No problem", he mumbled. We ate silently until I decided to ask a question that was bothering me for the whole morning. "Why did you come last night?" "I... I walked by and decided to visit you... and... then I saw you standing there...", he broke off. "Thanks for last night. I think you... you saved my from a stupid decision I made back then." Changbin just nodded, staring out of the window.
"Do you want to stay for a few days?" I don't know why I asked Changbin this question. He seemed as surprised as I was, that I asked him this question. "If you want me to", he answered. I nodded. "Please." "If it's okay for you, I'll go back home to get some clothes and everything", he said. "Yeah, no problem. You can wear some of my clothes for now." "Really?", Changbin asked surprised. I nodded as answer. "I'll wash the dishes. Do you want to get changed during that time?" He said. "I can-" "No. Felix, I'll do it. Don't worry. Come, I'll help you." He puts one arm around my waist and I lay my arm on his shoulder to relieve my knees.
After I changed my clothes and Changbin finished cleaning the dishes, he came back to my bedroom. I sat on my bed, waiting for him. "You can take whatever you want", I said while pointing with my head at the closet in my room. I left the doors open, so Changbin could start searching for some clothes he likes. He takes out a blue Jeans and a pink hoodie. "You can change here. I'll leave", I said. After I spoke I realised that I wasn't able to walk good on my own. Changbin must've the same thought because he asked me where he would find the bathroom.
After he changed his clothes, Changbin came back to me. "Do you want to come with me?" I nodded. Changbin left the room for a short time, coming back with our shoes. "Thanks." A smile flitted across my face. He grinned at me and started to tie his laces. After we put on our shoes, Changbin helped me getting up. As soon as I stood stable, he supported me while walking. After we left my apartment (yes, I didn't forget the keys) the next difficulty appeared. Stairs. My apartment was on the fifth floor and there was no elevator. I sighed, but Changbin just grinned and lifted me in the bridal style up.

We reached Changbins apartment by foot. It was not that far away from mine, but there were still some metres to walk. Arrived at his apartment, he guarded me into the living room. "I'll hurry", he said. "No need", I answered. He smiled and went to pack all the stuff he needed.

I sat on the sofa watching a video while Changbin unpacked his stuff. After a while, he came back and sat down next to me. Our shoulders touched, when he came a little closer to look at the screen too. I blushed a little bit and hoped that Changbin hadn't seen it. "Dou you wanna watch a movie?", I asked him after the video was over. He nodded. I put my phone on the table and reached for the remote control. "Any wishes?" "No, not really", Changbin answered. After a while I found a movie that sounded interesting.
'The Intouchables.'
The movie was pretty funny and luckily there weren't any bloody fights or horror scenes. The credits started and again I looked to Changbin. I don't know how often I've done it while we watched the movie. Probably more than seven times. But I just can't get my eyes off of him. He looks so cute in my pink hoodie. It's a little to big for him what makes him look even cuter. Changbin noticed that I stared at him and smirked. "Am I that ugly?", he asked while laughing. "No", I grinned. "Actually, you're pretty cute!" My eyes widened as soon as I noticed that I've said my thought out loud. Changbin laughed even harder. "Oh my gosh",he said between two laughter. "You should see your face! Cute!" Wait! Did he call me cute? Oh my gosh! I couldn't help blushing. After Changbin calmed down he asked: "Do you wanna eat something?" I nodded. "Do you have some cookies or other biscuits?" "No, but I can make us some." "I'll help you", Changbin said. He stood up and helped me walking to the kitchen.
Somehow we managed to bake some cookies even though I was hurt. They tasted pretty good. Maybe a bit better as the normally do because Changbin and I made them together.

The day flew by and the sun set down. After Changbin and I ate our meal, we hang out a little bit on the sofa talking about these and that. The minutes passed by and soon it was ten p.m. "Can you help me?", I asked Changbin. He nodded and rushed over to my side. Together we walked to the bathroom. Changbin left after I said that I would make it alone.
After I finished brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed I walked out. Carefully, of course. I reached the bed where Changbin sat with his legs crossed, looking at his phone which he put away as soon as I entered. "You can go in", I said while seeking my pyjama. He nodded and left. I changed my clothes and decided to read a book while Changbin was in the bathroom. When he returned, he still wore my clothes. "I forgot to take the pyjama with me", he said while searching in his bag. "Ha! I found it", with these words he went back to the bathroom. I smiled. Cute! Changbin returned and sat down on the other side of the bed. "Are you really okay with me sleeping next to you?", he asked for the fifth time today. I nodded. "As long as you are comfortable", I said, closed the book and put it back, then I turned my head to Changbin and smiled. He smiled back. Oh my gosh! His smile! So cute! Maybe I fell for him... Maybe...

"Felix." I heard a voice that called my name softly. "Felix." "Mmh", I answered sleepy. "It's twelve a.m." "I don't wanna get up", I mumbled and turned to the other side. "I made breakfast." I turned around again, opened my eyes and saw Changbin, who crouched next to my bed. He looked at me with a shy grin on his face. "Come, I'll help you", he said and offered me his arm. I got up with his help and went to the living room ,where Changbin prepared some toast for breakfast, still holding on to his arm.
After we ate, I stood up and tried to go the bathroom. The pain was less than yesterday, but it still hurt a bit. Changbin saw my struggle and helped me, as always. Again, he put his arm around my waist, which made me blush. He looked at me but turned his head away fast, but I could see that he blushed too. Cute! He blushed too! Could it be... No. We're just friends... But maybe we should give it a try... Maybe.
"Shit!" I forgot to take clothes with me. I sighed, wrapped a towel around my waist and left the bathroom. Changbin layed on the bed when I entered. He closed his eyes quickly when he realised that I was half naked. Both of us blushed. "It's okay. You can open your eyes", I laughed. Wait! Did really say that? Oh my gosh, what's going on with me these days? Anyway! If we were swimming I wouldn't wear more clothes and he is a boy too, so, where's the matter? Changbin opened his eyes, still a little bit flustered. I opened my clothes and searched for a boxer, a pair of jeans and a shirt, then I left the flustered Changbin alone.
"How do I look", I asked Changbin. "G-Good", he said surprised by the question. I let myself fall on the bed. Changbin grinned. I just looked up to the ceiling, doing nothing rather than breathing. My hair was still a little wet from showering, leaving a little wet spot on the blanket. After a while I turned my head to Changbin, who had put his phone away and was laying next to me. His profile looked beautiful. His hair was a little bit messy, his black shirt was a little bit too big for him. But all these things made him even cuter. Changbin noticed my look and turned his head toward me. "Hm?" I grinned. "Nothing. I just wanted to... Forget it!" "Okay", Changbin smiled. I looked into his dark brown eyes. I don't know why I didn't notice it before, but they were really beautiful. The colour was warm in a way I couldn't explain. "Felix?" "Yes?" "Why... Why did you want to jump?" I turned my head away. I couldn't look into his eyes. It hurt to much. "Sorry, you don't have to answer." Changbin seemed anxious. "No, it's okay", I said fast. I didn't want to hurt him and turned my head again towards Changbin. I took a deep breath. "It's just..." A tear fell down my cheek. Changbin came closer and pulled me into a warm hug. "Take your time." I nodded while more tears started to fall down. I sniffed and Changbin hugged me even tighter. "I... Nobody... ever showed me that he loves me. Everyone says that I have to go to work now. I... I should work harder, I am too lazy..." Changbin started to pat my back. "Shhh... Everything is okay. I'm here. For you. You're doing great!" These words. I needed them so much! Slowly my breathing calmed down again and the tears stopped falling. "Thank you." I sniffed for the last time, then I tried to gently pull myself out of Changbins hug. He loosened his hug and looked at me. "If you need anything, I'm here, okay?" I nodded. "Give me a second", Changbin said and stood up. I heard that he opened the freezer compartment and searched for something. After two minutes, he came back with a spoon and a cup of ice cream. "Here, eat!" I smiled and opened the cup happily. I love ice cream. I digged the spoon in the ice cream and tried it. I made a happy sound that made Changbin grin. After some spoons I put as much ice cream as possible on it and gave it Changbin. "Come, open your mouth", I said when he looked at me confused. "No, it's okay I-" I put the spoon into his mouth. "Hmmm! Wow!" I grinned. "Delicious, right?" He nodded and I gave him another spoon with the sugar bomb called ice cream. After a few more bites he took the spoon and started to feed me. I blushed and smiles formed on our faces. After a while my hands started to get cold because of the cup I still held in my hand. I let go of the cup with one hand to warm it up. Changbin noticed it and took the cup out of my hand, put the spoon in it and placed it on the nightstand beside him. Then he reached for my hand to warm it up. My heart skipped a beat when his soft hands touched mine. He smiled softly and I was confident enough to lay my head down on his chest. I could hear his heartbeat and smiled when Changbin started to play with one hand in my hair. I've never felt that comfortable with a person for a long time. Time passed by and my eyelids got heavy. I know that I just got up one or two hours ago, but suddenly I felt a wave of sleepiness rolling over me. Just a few minutes later I fell asleep, accompanied by Changbins heartbeat and his hand that still played with my hair.

I do not own any of the pictures I use(d)!