Stray Kids Oneshots

I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror - MinLix ~ Pt.1

TW and CW : this work is about body image, body shaming, toxic friendship, anorexia, body dysphoria, etc. If you proceed with the story, do it with carefulness.
Author is projecting on Felix. Everything that happens is from experience. Except the very end (part 3). It's what Author would want.

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Felix looks in the mirror, checking every single defect on his face and body, pinching his love handles, his cheeks, squeezing his thighs, his arms, before letting his hands fall in defeat, eyes going back to staring at his reflection. Despite all the weight he's lost, Felix still sees himself as too fat. He needs to lose more. His arms are too big, his thighs are repulsive, his cheeks look so babyish, with so much fat in them, his smile is disgusting and seems so small and tight. He wishes he could have a big smile, like Hyunjin or Jeongin.

Losing many kilograms is satisfying, Felix can't deny it. He feels a little better in his body, but he still hates it. He wants to be skinnier, to look like a model, like a star, like all those beautiful, slim people he sees in the street and in the building of JYPE Entertainment. The Itzy girls are so pretty and skinny, why can't he be like that too? Who would love someone who's too fat?

With one last glance at the mirror, Felix frowns, hatred in his eyes: he hates his body so much. He sighs, grabs his sweatpants and gets dressed. They have a schedule today, he can't be late. As he walks out of the bathroom, down the corridor to the front door, Felix feels heavy, feels his ass, his thighs and his calves jiggle with each step and god, he wishes he could contract everything so he wouldn't feel it. If someone walks behind him, they'll notice and they'll make fun of him, for sure. Head down, Felix hurries to the door and kneels down to put on his shoes.

"Yongbok, hi," Minho cheerfully greets him.

Felix's cheeks burn but he pulls himself together and stands up. He turns to Minho and gives him the best smile he can master, forgetting for a second just how much he hates his smile. Minho is probably thinking that it's not pretty as well, with all the fat on his cheeks, squeezing the smile.

"You look pretty," Minho says.

Felix's eyes widen for a second and he frowns. Why is Minho saying this? It's not true...

"Thanks, hyung," he says.

Minho smiles and gently kisses Felix's cheek. The blush immediately rushes back to the younger's cheeks and he flinches slightly. His hyung's lips feel good, does his cheek also feel soft against Minho's lips? Or is it too big, too squishy?

"Yongbok," Minho gently calls, pulling his dongsaeng out of his thoughts, "are you okay?"

Felix glances at Minho. "Of course, hyung."

Minho narrows his eyes at him but decides to let it go. Instead, he grabs Felix's hand and smiles again at him. "Let's go?"

Felix nods and follows Minho outside, where the van is waiting for them. Hyunjin is already sitting inside, looking at his phone, while Seungmin is leaning his head against the window, eyes closed. As soon as he hears footsteps, Hyunjin looks up and smiles at his two friends.

"Felix, hiii," he happily exclaims, scooching over to let his friend climb in. "Hey, Minho hyung!"

"Hi, Hyunjinnie," Minho smiles.

Felix smiles as well and sits next to Hyunjin, Minho on his other side. For some reason, his hyung doesn't let go of his hand. It's unsettling, but at the same time, it's grounding and Felix doesn't realise he tightened his fingers around Minho's.

Wondering if he's taking too much space in the car, Felix does his best to squeeze himself in his seat, trying to make himself small so he doesn't hinder Minho and Hyunjin. He fails to notice the quick glance Minho gives him, along with a small frown, but he does feel Minho's fingers gently squeezing his own. Felix stops moving at that and lowers his head, hoping the blush dusting his cheeks isn't too obvious.