Asking For Help

Domestic Violence Pt 2

Your partner apologizes and says the hurtful behavior won't happen again — but you fear it will. At times you wonder whether you're imagining the abuse, yet the emotional or physical pain you feel is real. If this sounds familiar, you might be experiencing domestic violence.

Recognize domestic violence

Domestic violence — also called intimate partner violence — occurs between people in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse and threats of abuse. Abuse by a partner can happen to anyone, but domestic violence is most often directed toward women. Domestic violence can happen in heterosexual and same-sex relationships.

Abusive relationships always involve an imbalance of power and control. An abuser uses intimidating, hurtful words and behaviors to control a partner.

It might not be easy to identify domestic violence at first. While some relationships are clearly abusive from the outset, abuse often starts subtly and gets worse over time. You might be experiencing domestic violence if you're in a relationship with someone who:

Calls you names, insults you or puts you downPrevents or discourages you from going to work or school or seeing family members or friendsTries to control how you spend money, where you go, what medicines you take or what you wearActs jealous or possessive or constantly accuses you of being unfaithfulGets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugsThreatens you with violence or a weaponHits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your petsForces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your willBlames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it

If you're in a same-sex relationship or if you're bisexual or transgender, you might also be experiencing abuse if you're in a relationship with someone who:

Threatens to tell friends, family, colleagues or community members your sexual orientation or gender identityTells you that authorities won't help you because of your sexuality or gender identityJustifies abuse by questioning your sexuality or gender identityPregnancy, children, family members and domestic violence

Sometimes domestic violence begins — or increases — during pregnancy. Domestic violence puts your health and the baby's health at risk. The danger continues after the baby is born.

Even if your child isn't abused, simply witnessing domestic violence can be harmful. Children who grow up in abusive homes are more likely to be abused and have behavioral problems than are other children. As adults, they're more likely to become abusers or think abuse is a normal part of relationships.

You might worry that telling the truth will further endanger you, your child or other family members — and that it might break up your family. But seeking help is the best way to protect yourself and your loved ones.

Break the cycle

If you're in an abusive situation, you might recognize this pattern:

Your abuser threatens violence.Your abuser strikes.Your abuser apologizes, promises to change and offers gifts.The cycle repeats itself.

The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the greater the physical and emotional toll. You might become depressed and anxious, or you might begin to doubt your ability to take care of yourself. You might feel helpless or paralyzed.

You may also wonder if the abuse is your fault — a common point of confusion among survivors of domestic abuse that may make it more difficult to seek help.

Don't take the blame

You may not be ready to seek help because you believe you're at least partially to blame for the abuse in the relationship. Reasons may include: