In Another Life (frerard)

15

I fell deep into my subconscious.

I stood at the very ledge of the creek my toes going over, the hands were back, the bats screeching in my ears louder than ever. He wasn't here. I knew he wasn't here. I didn't want him here. I wanted to die. I wished I would die. I surrendered completely.

I stepped off thee ledge. I let it happen, I wanted to kill myself. I let the hands under water drag my whole head in. I was fully engulfed. The second my nose went under, I took a deep breath in. It hurt, but I knew it would stop soon.

The peaceful release of death. I stayed conscious underwater for longer than one should be able to. Then it went dark. But I could still hear them, I could hear the bats screeching In the back of my head. But it wasn't bats, it was voices, it was their voices, talking about me?

It was Mikey, and it was Frank. The other day, upstairs, talking about me. 

Why do they want to torcher me before I die, I just want to go peacefully.

A bright light shown in my eyes, it was blinding, but only for a moment, I shielded my eyes but it died down almost instantly. I was back to that day, but this time it was different.

I wasn't sitting on the stairs, I was sitting right next to Frank. I don't think he can see me.

I wave my hand in front of his face, no reaction. 

They were talking about something I hadn't heard them say

"You know what I mean Mikey." 

"I don't think it's as one sided as you think man."

"What do you mean, I like him, he doesn't like me. That's how it is, and how it always will be. I'm cool with it, as long as I get to spend time with him."

"I dunno Frank, I've never seen him act like this with someone other than you."

 "Huh? Act like what?" 

"Frank he touches you, he lets you touch him. The only other person he's ever even hugged is me."

"Oh, I didn't know that."

"I really do think he likes you, and I think you need to tell him you like him too, and soon."

"Okay, well thanks for the coffee and the advice but I have to go. I'll see yah."

"Bye."

I watched as Frank walked over to my door and opened it. Walking down stairs.

I misheard, he thought I didn't like him, not the other way around. 

Now I'm dying and I'll never be able to tell him how I really feel. I just fucking wish I wasn't so stupid.

I observed the kitchen counter as it faded into nothingness. I faded with it. I can't do anything now. Im dead, and he'll never get to know. He'll blame himself. I can't- 

I'm gonna throw up.

I doubled over, hitting my head on something in the nothingness on the way down and passed out.

Im gone, this is it.

An excruciating ringing in my ears started, it wouldn't go away. 

I need to wake up, I need to wake up.

"I NEED TO WAKE UP!" 

I convulsed in my bed, coughing like I had just inhaled a gallon of water. But I didn't I'm alive.

I'm alive and I need to talk to Frank. But I can't let him see me, when I look (and smell) like this.

I ran upstairs, past Mikey who sat at the kitchen counter. 

"Gerard! What are you doing?" "I need to shower, I need to talk to Frank!" "Good, because he won't stop texting me, he's worried!" 

I think I took the fastest shower anyone in all of humanity has ever taken. I brushed my teeth. Threw on some clean clothes, and picked up my room as fast as possible.

It wasn't until then that I realized that it was 9:30 pm, I didn't even know if Frank would answer my text.

"Please god let him answer me."

You: Frank

Frankie:p: Oh god Gerard you freaked me the fuck out.

Frankie:p: what's going on??

You: Can you please come over.

Frankie:p: C u in 2 minuts

I sat on my bed, filled with anticipation. I was so deep in my thoughts I didn't even hear him come down the stairs.

"Gerard?" 

"Frank!" I looked up to see him standing at the bottom of my stairs. 

I jumped up and ran over to him.

I grabbed him and hugged him as tight as possible. I nearly knocked us both over.

He hugged back and since he is much shorter than me, he rested his head on my shoulder.

"Dammit Gerard. I was so worried about you." "I'm so sorry Frank." He pulled away, grabbing my face, and again, I started crying, I swear to god it's not under my control.

"Gerard, what's wrong?" "I missed you, and I'm so sorry and, oh god, I almost died. It was awful, I was asleep and you weren't there and I drowned Frank. It knows, my mind knows that I needed to see that and now I can stop being stupid."

"What?" "It doesn't matter, I'm just so happy that you're here." 

"Can you please tell me what happened. What did I do." I grabbed his hand and led him over to my bed. We sat down across from each other. I put both my hands on his knees, I needed to be touching him.

"You didn't do anything Frankie, I'm just a complete idiot. I thought one thing when it was really the other thing, now I have a secret of my own that you can't hear. But please don't be worried. You did nothing wrong, it was all my fault and, god I just am so sorry. 

He lunged into me, wrapping his arms around my neck and knocking us both over to the end of the bed. He laid on top of me, his arms and legs wrapped around me which was fine because he was really light. We laid together for a long minute, then Frank propped himself up on his arms, his face not even an inch away from mine.

I can finally see him for real, like how I did in my dreams. He's practically glowing. 

"I wish you would have texted me earlier so it wasn't so late. You probably want to go to bed or something." "What! No fucking way. I want to hangout with you, I missed you and it's not even that late at all."

"Gerard. Ever since I've known you... in real life, you've gone to bed at like 10, you don't have to stay up, we can just hangout tomorrow."

"No." "Okay, Okay." 

His face nearly touching mine. I have now become very aware of his lips, which is not good. Luckily for me he leans back down to hug me again, the side of his face against mine. His skin is warm, he's always so warm.

"Fuck man, I missed you so much." He whispered into my ear. "I know, I'm sorry." "It's okay Gerard. Don't even worry about it. As long as i'm with you now."

Frank got off of me and sat up at the end of my bed. "What do you want to do?" Uhm... I dunno. I mean, I have a tv down here, but not very many dvd's." 

*bzz

my phone buzzed on my bedside table as we were talking I quickly turned to look at who it was.

"What the actual fuck." I blurted out. "What?" I turned back to Frank, I think he could tell I was mad because he looked extremely confused. "Its fucking Bert." 

"oh."