Fell In Love In Stages // a matty healy fanfic

Revelations

-Matty's POV-

As I stand watching the tapestry of urban brilliance before me, an overwhelming sense of deflation washes over me. The once lively apartment was now as quiet as a church. The contrast between the highs of the night and the return to normalcy was always jarring and never failed to leave me in a state of unease.

I look up at the cloudless sky and delve into the recesses of my memory. I think about the other night outside the mercury lounge. Her presence caught me off guard, blindsided me with its unexpectedness. I hadn't even considered that she might be in New York. Oh, how I lament my oversight.
The solace I would have found in preparation, had I only acknowledged the possibility.
I might have schooled my features into a saturnine smirk, or at the very least made sure that I was impeccably dressed.
But instead, I lashed out at her like a wounded animal. I showed her parts of me my ribs don't protect.

I extinguish the smoldering end of my cigarette and wisps of smoke danced their final farewell before dissipating into the air. In the depths of my being, a profound yearning stirred, beckoning me towards the warm glow that spilled from the living room.

It was there that I discovered Trinity, standing in front of the electric fireplace, her silhouette cast against the flickering light.
The embers of the fire bathed the space in a golden hue, casting gentle shadows that danced along the walls. It was as if the flames themselves possessed a hypnotic power, pulling me closer, urging me to seek solace in their mesmerizing dance.

"Are you cold?" I ask as I walk towards her, since I had to say something
"A little" she says, hugging her arms to her body, effectively blocking my view of her breast, which was probably for the best.
"Why did you insist I come here tonight?" she asked, her voice hanging sharp in the night air.
"Well," I say, turning slightly away from her so that I could continue to rub my hands together by the fire, "I thought it would be nice to catch up."
"To catch up" she echoed.
"Yeah like friends often do" I answered promptly.
"We're not—" she stopped, cleared her throat. "We haven't been friends in a while"
"I know, five years, I believe." I say, my weariness starting to seep out.

"You've changed" she says, inching a little closer to the fire. She ought not stand so near to me if she knew what was best for her.
"How so?" I ask, turning to warm my back.
"I don't know," she starts.
"Is that an answer?" I raise my eyebrow at her, to which she just shrugs.
"Well you haven't changed one bit"
Her lips parted. "How can you say that?"
"Because you look exactly as I remembered you." And then, devilishly, I motioned toward her plunging neckline. "Aside from that rack, of course"
She gasped and stepped back, wrapping her arms more tightly around her body.
It was a bit sick of me, but I was rather pleased of myself. I needed her to step away, to move out of my reach. She was going to have to set the boundaries.
Because I wasn't sure I'd prove up to the task.
I'd been lying when I said she hadn't changed.
There was something different about her, something entirely unexpected.
It was a sense about her— all in my mind, really, but no less devastating. There was an air of availability, a horrible, torturous knowledge that Noah was gone and the only thing stopping me from reaching out and touching her was my own conscience.
It was almost funny.
Almost.

And there she was, still without a clue, still completely unaware that the man standing next to her wanted nothing so much than to peel every layer of fabric from her body and lay her down in front of the fire. I wanted to nudge her thighs apart, sink myself into her, and—

I laughed grimly. Five years, it seemed, had done nothing to cool my inappropriate ardor.

"Matty?"
I looked over at her.
"What's so funny?"
"You wouldn't understand"
"Try me," she dared.
I turned to her and said with deliberate coolness, "Trinity, there are some things you will never understand."
Her lips parted, and for a moment she looked as if she'd been struck.
And I felt as horrid as if I'd done so.
"Forgive me" I say, instinctively running my hand through my hair. "I'm tired, and I'm cold, and I'm an asshole."
She says nothing for a moment before saying, "George offered to drop me off after a quick shower... he should be done any time soon"

I looked at her.
I was quite sure she was oblivious to the damage she'd done when she left.
She didn't know. How could she?
Countless nights I wandered, lost in the labyrinth of nameless souls, their faces mere shadows in the dim glow of the early hours. I liked them with pin-straight hair down to their waists paired with amber eyes.

For years, I found myself entangled in this desperate quest, searching for a fragment of her in every stranger I met. Each encounter, a fleeting chance to catch a glimpse of her. But every time, the fog of uncertainty thickened and the resemblance grew fainter.
It was like chasing ghosts, yearning for a taste of her. And now that she was standing in front of me in the flesh, all I wanted was to have her in any way she'd have me.

"Won't you spend the night?" I try one last Hail Mary, a desperate attempt.
"Matty?" She says, a tinge of amusement in her voice.
"Yes, little bird?"
"Do you remember the summer after I left?"
I looked over at her, lifting a brow. "It's all a blur" I say.
"Remember?" She presses on. "It was your graduation party at Will Allen's house? The house was decked out like a rave?" She smiles fondly at the memory. "Scotty cannonballed fully clothed into the pool" she continues.

I was confused. How could she know this?
I didn't pretend to understand, but I nodded nonetheless.
"So anyway, there I was at the foot of the stairs—"
My ears perked up.
"Looking around for you, and Lacy, sweet Lacy, let's me know that you might be on the roof, as you always are."
My breath catches in my throat and my stomach starts to turn as the truth starts to sink in.
"So anyway, we—George and Lacy, Adam and Sophie, Ross and I— we all go upstairs to surprise you... I stifle my giggles as I tip toe through the clay tiles and what do I see at the far end?"

Before she could answer, she cocked her head to the side, motioning to the hall, where we could hear someone moving towards us on swift feet.
"Ready to make a move?" George says from the doorway.
"Ready as I'll ever be" she says before glancing over at me and saying, "It's okay, Matty. I get it. You're a star. You can fuck whoever you want."
I felt my jaw clamping together. She left without another word while I'm left with nothing to do but stand there by the fire, its warmth offering little solace against the chill that crept into my soul.