Fell In Love In Stages // a matty healy fanfic

Last Day (Evening)

From the front porch of Will Allen's house, the music comes thumping through the windows with a force that makes the floorboards vibrate.
"Looks like the party's only started" Matty says, peeping in through a window. Watching him, I couldn't help but think about all the other times we've stood here, on the threshold of so many parties just like this one.
"Ready to meet our friends?" He asks and I nod. He intertwines his fingers in mine and grabs the door handle. He doesn't even bother knocking. There's no way anyone would hear it. Instead, he pushes open the door, and the music blasts out into the quiet front yard, all rhythm and bass. When we step inside, we're met by a wall of heat and bodies, the foyer crowded with people holding red cups above their heads, some of them dancing, others talking, most just trying to get through.
"I'm gonna go get a drink" he says and I kiss him on the lips. We've never been the kind of couple who were all over each other in public; we saved it for the bedroom. But I felt like tonight was different. I craved his touch at all times. As he walks away, the tops of his brown curls visible above the crowd, I was struck by a completely illogical fear of losing sight of him. I watched as he pauses in the doorway between the foyer and the kitchen, bending a little as some girl in his grade leans close to say something to him. I'm surprised by the stab of jealousy I felt at the sight, and then I realised that this is how it will be from now on. Soon, Matty will be offering to get someone else a drink. Most likely someone tall and blonde and impossibly beautiful. Not long from now, it'll be someone else's hand he takes as they walk through a crowd, someone else he'll be cracking inside jokes with, telling stories to, sleeping with at night.
Because after tonight, he was no longer mine.
And I'm no longer his.
The thought wrenches at something inside of me, my knees go a little wobbly as I lean back against the blue wallpaper in the foyer. I can feel my breath shorten and the sea of people around me seem like they were closing in on me.
A new song comes on over the speakers and I push myself off from the wall, and navigate up the familiar stairs. There weren't as many people here and the bedrooms were locked as usual, but I see the window; the same one I had climbed out of over a year ago and clamber out. Finally, I feel like a weight has been lifted off me and I could breathe again. I walk carefully to the other side of the roof and take a seat against the parapet. Shortly after, I hear the window slide open and close. I hear footsteps walking towards me and then stumble on the same broken tile I did, that fateful night.
"Fuck" he says under his breath and I laugh.
I help him with the weave basket he was holding onto.
"This is all they had" he says holding a bottle. "Hold on, I have something" he continues while fishing out two wine glasses.
"Matty! What? You didn't!"
"I just had to, love. I swear, that first night when I saw you holding the glass, I thought to myself, that girl is... out of her fuckin' mind" he deadpans and I smack him on the arm playfully.
"Shut up, it was within my reach and I didn't even think about it" I attempt to defend myself. "It was like muscle memory."
"No no, it's cute. You definitely caught my eye."
"To catching your eye. And your heart!" I toast and we clink our glasses.
We drink our cheap (but organic) corner shop wine. We pull faces. It's disgusting. So disgusting that we quaff down the first few glasses so the rest don't taste as bad.
So there we were, smoking cigarettes, the bottle emptying, and talk freely flowing.
I admit, I envied his ability to trust himself so deeply.
How time was so easy and seemed to unfurl endlessly before him. I'd never met anyone for whom it didn't seem to matter where the hands on a watch were placed, what shape the numbers took on a digital clock. For me, when all my life I've had to account for my hours, this was like coming upon a secret oasis somewhere in the desert, where the flowers are perpetually in bloom.
He was like that.
With him my days and nights were... looser. Less like tightly wound springs.
"How lucky it is, that we met at the beginning of my stint here" I say.
"Someone you knew who knew someone who knew me," he chuckled.
"The two of us sitting on this very roof; me with my arms crossed, you drinking an unhurried bottle of wine. Me with my carefully measured actions, you with your reckless abandon." I smile at the thought.
"We chatted easily on our way back from the park. It struck me that I liked talking to you."
"That very night?" I ask.
"That very moment"
His eyes were filled with a deep longing. And I kissed him, and kissed him some more.

After a while of kissing, drinking and reminiscing, we made our way downstairs to the party.
"I'm gonna round up the lads" he says, before making his way out back towards the pool.
The music had been turned up again and people were streaming in and out of the kitchen with their cups held high, swaying to the beat-when someone puts a hand on my elbow. I turn around to find Sophie smiling up at me.
"Hey babes," she says holding up her cup for a toast, but lowers it again when she realises I don't have one.
"How are you feeling?" She smiles softly.
"I don't know," I say. The room suddenly feels much too warm and I wipe at my forehead. "I don't... everything's really up in the air right now. I guess..."
"Hey", says a familiar voice behind us and we both turn to find Lacy balancing two red cups and a bag of crisps under one arm. "A little help would be nice."
"Hi Lace" I say rescuing the bag, which was spilling onto the ugly patterned carpet one crisp at a time.
"What are we talking about?" She asks as she gives me a greeting kiss on the cheek.
"Just... about me leaving... and how I feel about it..." I trail off, aware of the edge to my voice.
"And how do you feel about it?" asks Lacy
"Wait," Sophie says as she slides the half packed kitchen door open and ushers us towards the empty deck.
"We've decided it would be best if we broke up before I leave" I say.
Sophie and Lacy give each other a knowing look and my heart starts picking up speed.
"What???" I ask, looking back and forth between the two, waiting for one of them to offer an answer.
"Ello Ello" says a booming voice as the door slides open.
The three of us are startled by George and we gape at him with our mouths open.
"Um.. am I interrupting something?" He asks, thoroughly confused.
"Shut the door" Lacy barks and he puts his open hand on his forehead in a salute as he does.
Sophie eyes the door for a couple of seconds before speaking again.
"Do you guys have to break up? Is long distance completely out of the question?"
I just nod in silence.
"No you can't!" Lacy chimes in. "Long distance relationships can work out! I knew this one guy in middle school who had a long distance girlfriend in Canada or something and they dated all through out high school without having met once!" She pauses, a knowing look washing over her face. She continues more pensively this time; "Although I did see him make out with Will in the bathroom tonight."
Sophie and I burst out laughing and give Lacy a group hug. Bless her heart.
The sliding door opens once again and we're greeted by Adam this time.
"Uh..." he says, picking up on the fact that he was clearly interrupting something. "George asked me to, um..."
"Babe. Door. Now." Sophie says impatiently and he follows her orders with a sheepish grin.
"Anyway," Sophie says rolling her eyes. "So yeah, what's your main concern?"
"Matty's..." I hesitate, not sure how to finish that sentence. "Really talented."
"Is that all?" Sophie asks, laughing. "He's always been talented. You can't break up with him because of that. It's a pre-existing condition."
"And he has big dreams. I can't get in the way of that, you know. That's how much I love him. I am willing to suffer in silence if it means he gets to live up to his full potential." I manage to smile a bit.
"Babe, that is beautiful" Sophie says.
"And heartbreaking" Lacy adds.
The glass door slides open once more and it's Matty holding it open this time.
"Ladies," he says exasperatedly. "I understand you need some time to say your goodbyes, but can I have my girlfriend back? I can't help that I miss her so much."
"Well go on then Healy" Sophie smiles, rolling her eyes.
"Wait, can you call the guys out here?" I tell Matty. I need a proper goodbye" I say, trying to keep my lips from trembling.
"Here?" Matty looks around the narrow deck. "I have a better idea. Follow me. And grab as much booze as you can while you're at it!"