A Work in Progress: Music/Poems by Kevin Turner Jr

Dont do it!

Look over at my moms and dads
Yeah they love
They do nothing but laugh
No they love you and are -shut it! He knows they don't, look they hate you
I try and I try to be good but all they see me as is bad
No stop- no he's right oh and talking about dad
God is it something that I did
Keep going - no God- hates you
Look at my family
Oh yeah here we go
I do whatever she commands me
And what happens - you know she
Complains and complains all I do is cause pain
Yes! - No!
I can't even help the kids the right way
You are an awesome- awful-father
I want to just turn this off, becoming numb
Don't do it! - no you should
Why not no one cares and I'm just so dumb
You are -not- loved
Here I know I said I'll stop but it's the only thing that makes me feel something
That's not what - shut up he's feeling
Nudes get my heart pumping
Haha great- please
I want to be with them too but they mean nothing
This is bad - yeah your bad you know what
I just keep messing up, I'm sinking
No don't why are you doing this to him
I just don't want to go on anymore it'll be better for everything

(Change tone to singing)This is my suicidal recital
I'm writing down my words from my struggles
I went through a lot, mental battle
But will there be a light at the end of the tunnel?
Thi is my (Repeat like skipping track)

No one will know if I just drive off this curvy road
Don't
I can just .... Loose control.....
Stop think about
Too fast through the speed zone?
Kevin
No I can't they won't make it at home
Thank God
She hates me, I really don't want live
Not again
I should just confess to her my sin
There you go keep
No she'll really leave me and then what then
She'll help
I'm freaking addicted
Yes you are
Or am I just wanting something different
Hey don't
Maybe a man, but that's a disgrace
It is
I'm a disgrace
Go to Jesus
Such a disgrace he won't forgive me
That's not true
Hey a ditch by the house
Kevin
I can just drive really fast into it and splat
Don't do it!
Look now a divorce yeah let's do it No one loves and no one cares all I do is cause dispare.
My friends aren't true they're forcing her attitude,
They want us apart and don't want me around anymore
My mom is the only one that is helping she understands
.......wait now...... she's dead.......
Agh!
God why do you fing hate me. You know what screw you!
.....
I'm sorry, please forgive me. I've really messed up.

Well as you can see this one is Dark for sure. I got this idea last year and it was supposed to be something a bit darker but after I finally got out of depression I felt God say, "go back and write it now" I was like "what are you crazy!?! I don't want to go back to that darkness,"
God responded with, "I've got you, trust me."
So I did. I've made a Tic Tok about the experience and I will probably be posting the song on there as well. To be honest I'll probably work on it this weekend of writing this. I really thought about suicide. Only thing that kept me from it was my kids and ex wife, who I really thought needed me to provide for them money wise more than they loved me. Which was a lie from the pits of hell and God was still trying to get me to get back to him. So I am very glad I am.