A Work in Progress: Music/Poems by Kevin Turner Jr

My life was a lie

I'm reborn Saved by Grace!
But for 15 years I've been puttin on a face
Believe there was a God but didn't live for Him
Never really spent time with him and was still in sin

Porn yeah that's right I said it
I was trapped in it
I was lookin through porn eyes
There was a point I wanted to be with guys
(wait what about your wife man)
Drove my marriage to the ground
trying to hide everything that's around.
Felt embarrassed and ashamed
so I didn't want to take the blame
Drove it so deep I wanted out
she was tired of me no doubt
I became so depressed and anxious
in return made an escape list
I also didn't realize I was giving so much abuse not hitting physically but I might as well been giving out what I was complaining about from my kin
Drove everyone away felt alone
I even came back to a place that didn't feel like home (to my parents)
I blamed God and everyone else for making me feel this way
even though I knew I was the pain
When I finally realized that I took it hard
tried to get her back and went to far
I really wanted to be dead
but a few days in the hospital i stayed instead

A few months later I find my own place so I can see my kids
A week after my birthday I lost my mother
oh that's when rock bottom hit like a trucker
The depression never went away so it got worse
my heart wanted to burst
I cried out Jesus save me and he came
I realized only he can heal the pain
I'm not perfect like I thought I was
but I quit with all the above
Ain't it funny you think your life is perfect when it's not,
once you realize that you can open the door for God
I'm still working on God and I,
actually feeling something when we talk at night
Well .... we actually talk all the time.
I repented from the life I was living, because I was living a lie

This one is definitely one I wrote as I came out of that whole. I was still trying to control my emotions and wanted to kind of just get my story out. So the first line of this song was what gave me the idea of the whole album.