𝐁𝐄𝐓☆tom kaulitz.

heart racing

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i gathered all my leftover courage and walked towards bill and tom's house. i was dressed in baggy black jeans and a big, black hoodie, attempting to go as unnoticed as possible.

i rang the doorbell and waited. i was so nervous i felt like i was about to pass out. it took a few minutes before i heard bill's voice and then the door opened. he quickly let me inside, baffled at my presence. as soon as the door closed behind me, bill hugged me tightly and emma also appeared in sight, joining the hug. i embraced them both, not wanting to leave the small safe space we've created. i was so scared to face all of them, but this made me calm down a little. after we all pulled away, i told them what the purpose of this visit was. i wanted to talk to tom and see what is the best way out of this mess, or at least get some closure. both bill and emma wanted to help with finding a solution, and i thought to myself - the more the merrier - but in fact, i was just scared to be alone with tom. bill called tom downstairs and he said something like 'if it's not important i'm not coming, i'm busy'. i was getting more and more scared to face him. bill told him something in german, to which he instantly ran downstairs. he looked at me as soon as he got to the bottom of the stairs and just froze in place for a while, like he couldn't believe his eyes.

☆ —

the four of us all sat on the couch in silence. 'maybe if time passes people will just forget about it?' bill asked, not even him believing the words that left his mouth. tom sighed in frustration. he was staring at a fixed point in space, so focused that i could almost hear his brain swarming with thoughts. the silence was awfully loud, until he broke it - 'well maybe i could tell everyone that you're my actual girlfriend... and that way they'll all leave you alone', bill's eyes widened at his suggestion.

'and you'd jeopardize all the one night stands for that?' i said out of habit of messing with him. as soon as i heard what i said, i realized i fucked up. there were no laughs, no snarky remarks served back, just a groan of frustration followed by 'maybe i shouldn't fucking try to help you out at all'. he got up, pissed, and went upstairs to his room, slamming the door behind him so loud that it reverberated to us downstairs. i felt a sudden rush of guilt take over me. i don't know why, i shouldn't be feeling bad for something that he caused - but i do. 'he's been snapping like that all day' bill said, comforting me, 'he shredded nicole when she called him, i really thought he was going to smash his phone', he chuckled to himself, 'if it helps in any way, he stood up for you', emma added. i know that things have been rocky between us since he got back, but he's actually trying to help me now and all i did was act like a bitch for no reason.

i made my way to his room feeling anxious as fuck. i knocked, then opened the door at the lack of response. his back was facing me as he looked out the window, smoke surrounding his shadow. 'tom, i'm sorry i didn't mean to-', the silence was broken by a faint sniffle. my heart dropped. was he... crying? as i approached him, it was clear to me that he was. i wrapped my arm around his shoulders pulling him a bit closer, 'tom, i didn't mean that. i know this shit affects you just as much and i'm sorry', he remained looking to the front, tears slowly traveling his cheeks. he buried his head in his hands before talking, 'i don't know what is wrong with me. y/n tell me what is wrong with me, why does it hurt so much? why do i care so much?', i embraced him, not knowing how else to answer him. i wasn't exactly sure what he was referring to, but i wanted him to be okay. 'it's okay, let it out' was all i managed to tell him. i felt frozen in that moment, heart getting heavy, so caught up in trying to find a way to make him feel better. he turned around and hugged me. 'y/n, i don't want you to hurt. i don't know why but it hurts me too when you do' he said softly and stayed there for a while. his scent surrounded me and the feeling of suffocation was creeping onto me again. i didn't want to feel safe in his arms, i didn't want to enjoy this - but i did. i hugged him back tightly, scared that if i loosen my grip he will just vanish away from me.

'i'll be your fake girlfriend' i finally said, the sound of my voice being muffled by his shirt, 'but this doesn't change the bet', i added, looking up at him after finally getting back in touch with my rationality. he looked at me and smiled, in a way i haven't seen before. he looked so pretty right now, eyes still glistening from crying and his face a little puffy. 'maybe not, but it's getting me a step closer to winning' he winked, then took my hand, leading me out the room, 'let's go fuck shit up some more'.

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it's been 2 hours since the 'news' got out. tom talked to the band's manager to issue a statement, and he hasn't come out of his room since. bill forcefully took my phone away, but sadly that didn't stop my concern. the three of us watched random stuff on tv, occasionally hearing tom talk loudly in his room. i was stressing out, and trying to mask it only made it worse. bill's phone rang and he picked up, talking in german. 'y/n, tom asked for you to go to his room'.

i was even more nervous than earlier. tom sat as his desk, immersed in the light coming from his laptop. he was biting onto his lower lip anxiously, eyes darting up and down at the screen. i went next to him, joining. 'sit', he pulled me on his lap and showed me all the news flooding the internet, all the positive responses. 'problem's fixed doll, now give me my reward', he said with a smug smile on his face. i then just realized how close we were to each other and how his arms wrapped around my waist, holding me. 'since you're my girlfriend, i think i can do this now', he turned me around so i was facing him, his face only centimeters away. the light from behind me was making his lip piercing shine. his eyes sunk deep into my lips and i could feel his hard bulge under me. he approached my lips painfully slow and before i knew it, we were kissing like there was no tomorrow. 

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a/n: thank you soooo much for all the reads!!! i didn't expect it <333 hope ur enjoying this book, have a great day!!!