For Fox's Sake (#3, Completed)

35. The choices we make

NATALIA

The autumn breeze felt cooler than usual against my cheeks as I wrapped my cardigan tighter. But the extra layer did little to ward off the chill that had taken root inside me, nor did it contain the devastating emptiness now filling me where vibrant emotions and connections once dwelled. 

Ever since my return from the Red Tails, I felt hollow and confused, stripped a of my ability to sense others.

I inhaled the familiar scents of lavender and honeysuckle on the wind, carried from the flourishing bushes lining the stone pathway as I slowly strolled through the Windfire estate. Coming back to my childhood home was meant to provide comfort, maybe even answers. 

Instead, all I found were more doubts and questions, spending aimless days dwelling on everything that had happened.

As I wandered the gardens, I desperately sought to rediscover the empathic girl I once was—the one who could reach out and touch the life force around her. But she was long gone, and no matter how hard I searched, I couldn't bring her back.

That didn't stop the irrational hope that maybe, just maybe, my Omega powers were still there, so when I passed a couple locked in a heated argument, my senses instinctively reached out to them, searching for any trace of emotions that were no longer mine to feel. But there was nothing, only silence—a void where my powers should have been.

I let out a heavy sigh, trudging onwards while surrounded by the stark contrast of my inner turmoil and the lush green beauty of nature.

Offering my soul to Kerrin had been my own decision, but with the demon gone and a piece of me irrevocably lost, reality clawed at me constantly. The irony of how I once struggled with my Omega powers, wishing them away, now stung me with each passing minute—along with the longing to help others as I had before.

Thoughts of James and his secrets twisted my stomach; it was as if my heart had been torn out. His choice to hide everything, rather than face the problems together, landed like a physical blow. And even if I did forgive him, I couldn't deny he had broken my trust.

Why could he just be honest? Weren't we supposed to trust each other? Lean on one another?

A shadow fell across me, interrupting my thoughts as I sat amongst the blossoms my mum and Riley's mum, Seraphina, had planted in the tribe's garden.

My mother stood there when I looked up. "Ah, there you are," she said. "I've been looking for you."

I forced a smile, but inside, I was crumbling. "Sorry, I didn't mean to disappear on you."

"Nothing to apologise for, darling." Her brows drew together in concern. "I just wanted to check on you. May I join you?"

I nodded, shifting over on the bench to make room. There was something soothing about being with someone who knew you so well, especially when that someone was your mother; yet, the warmth of her presence brought only a tiny comfort to the sea of sorrow within me.

"You seem... different since you returned," she continued, her voice laced with worry. "Is everything alright?"

Apprehension bubbled within me, causing my throat to tighten and my fingers to fidget as I struggled to keep the heavy emotions at bay. How could I tell her what had happened?

I didn't share the truth with anyone since I got to Windfire because I didn't know how to. She wouldn't understand—one of them would—and my heart ached at the thought of having to explain my mate's deal with Kerrin.

My silence left the questions hanging in the air until my mother gently pried for answers. "You had a falling out with James, didn't you?"

Heat pricked at the corners of my eyes, my vision blurring. "He made a mistake," I croaked, the words like broken glass against my tongue. "A mistake that cost us both dearly, and no matter how much I want things to be to normal, I don't know if it's possible."