If I Let You Go

Chapter 16 - Breakup letter

A/N – This chapter took a lot from me. 

Taylor looked up when he heard a soft knock on the opened door of his home office. Kuya Fred's standing at the door holding a small envelop that he raised in front of him for Taylor to see.

"Taylor, inabot sa kin ng guard ng Makati branch. Mukhang galing kay Rain base sa description nya sa nagbigay" (The Makati branch's guard handed this to me. Seems it's from Rain based on his description of the sender.)

Taylor noticed that Kuya Fred purposely addressed him as just 'Taylor', no 'Sir'. This is not good, he thought as he reached for the envelop. A sliver of dread hit his chest as he opens the note inside. The letter is a short one, but it ended all the happiness in Taylor's life.

'There were so many things I wanted us to do together. Little things that will make you smile. Simple things like, you know, you and me against the world...You looked lonely up there, and I thought...No, I believed I can make you happy...I was wrong.'

Taylor read the note in seconds, but it took a full minute for it to finally set in. Rain's saying goodbye, his baby's leaving him.

Taylor desperately searched his contact list for Rain's number. He passed by Rain's name a couple of times while scrolling before he was able to do it properly. When the call was made, a busy tone greeted him. He tried several times as he walks quickly to the elevator, clutching at Rain's note.

Taylor reached the underground parking, but the call never went through. He quickly opened his car door and sat at the driver's seat. But as he punched the start button, he realized he cannot go after Rain. For one, he was the one who denied them of the chance at being truly together. He was the one that caused all this pain. He has no right to go after Rain. And besides, he does not even know where to find him. He never asked the QC condo's address. He's the jerk who never cared enough to know anything about Rain unless Rain tells him.

Taylor turned off the car's engine, got off the car but as he was about to close the door, he felt weak. It was difficult to breathe, like there is no air around him. Taylor's knees gave out and he fell kneeling on the floor while holding on to the open car door. Then he suddenly felt tears falling, big drops of tears. And Taylor sobbed loudly. Taylor seems to actually feel the pain of his heart breaking. He thought 'This is the end. My heart has really left me. My Rain is gone.' Taylor desperately holds Rain's note on his chest as if he could hold the actual person close to him. He continued to cry until his throat is dry and his voice is hoarse.

***

Kuya Fred kept looking at Taylor from the rearview mirror every other minute. When he found Taylor at the underground parking, he wanted to cry with him. Taylor looked broken and hopeless that Kuya Fred wanted to scoop Taylor up and hug him. This is the same feeling he had the first time he met this lonely child 14 years ago.

Kuya Fred found himself driving Taylor to his wife's small bakery in Rizal. Maybe some sweet treats will lift Taylor's mood. But then he stopped that thinking and told himself, 'Ano bang iniisip mo dyan? Bata ba yan na masusuhulan mo ng cake para tumigil umiyak?' (What are you thinking? Is that a child that you can bribe with cake to stop crying?). However, Kuya Fred's all out of ideas so he recon a help from his wife might be useful.

Taylor lifelessly followed Kuya Fred into the bakery. Kuya Fred's wife smilingly welcomed them, but her smile fell when she saw Taylor's condition.

Ethan who was carrying a tray of freshly baked egg pies joined them and nearly dropped the trays when he saw the usually serious and strict looking Taylor broken.

'Anyare?' (What happened?) Ethan wordlessly mouthed a question to his uncle.

Kuya Fred in turn made a heart gesture with his two hands and then ruthlessly broke said heart in two to show his wife and nephew that Taylor's heartbroken. Kuya Fred had shared some of Taylor and Rain's situation to his wife, so he is sure that his wife understood what he meant.

However, Kuya Fred's wife have the same idea as him because she ushered Taylor to the back kitchen area of the bakery. She then let Taylor sit on a chair facing a large stainless-steel table.

After a few minutes, hot coffee and a slice of egg pie were served in front of Taylor.

"Taylor anak, I'm sure may dahilan ang lahat ng suffering na nararanasan natin. In time, pwedeng lumipas lahat ng sakit but the most important thing is dapat matuto tayo sa nangyari. Na bigyan importance kung ano ang makakapagpasaya sa tin. Na huwag pakawalan ang tao na alam nating hinding hindi kailanman mawawala dito." Ate Josie, Kuya Fred's wife touched Taylor's chest.

(Taylor son, I'm sure all the sufferings we experience have a reason. In time, the pain may go away but the most important thing is to learn from what happened. To give importance to things that will make us happy. To never let go of the one person that we know will never ever leave here.)

Taylor sobbed and held onto Ate Josie's arms. Ate Josie in turn rubbed Taylor's back as she tries to soothe this lonely child.

***

Kuya Fred insisted on driving Taylor to his parent's house. He was trying to convince Taylor to spend the night at their house, but Taylor stubbornly refused. And so Kuya Fred ended up insisting on driving him home. He said that Taylor should not be left alone for now. Taylor felt that he cannot win an argument with Kuya Fred or with anybody for that matter. He's so tired. He wanted to just lie down and sleep. Sleep and wake up only when Rain's back in his arms again.

When Taylor entered their house, he immediately walked in the direction of the stairs hoping no one will see him. He has no energy to deal let alone speak with anybody.

However, Natalia, his mother saw him as he was about to step into the first tread of the stairs. "Taylor, what happened? I cannot reach you this afternoon. I have something to tell you. I heard there is this new project..." Natalia's words faded as she looks at her son's face. That look sent a shot of pain in her heart. Like her heart is breaking for something but don't know what it is.

Natalia followed Taylor as he climbs up the stairs but suddenly stopped when his son suddenly stood motionless. She saw Amante standing near the landing looking at Taylor. Amante have the same pained expression while looking at Taylor's face.

Taylor started talking without looking at his mother. "Ma, you know I love you the most, right? That I will do and give anything you want. Even my heart." Taylor stated woodenly and then continued walking to his bedroom without looking back.

When Taylor left, his mother felt like she and her son lost something precious between them. And though she has no doubt about the sincerity of her son's words, it also says another thing, that her son surrendered his heart and happiness to make her happy.