Ratneshwari

Chapter 36

Shivan went to the apartment where he had been staying. He entered the house. The lights were switched off. He switched on the lights. He changed his clothes and sat down on a chair. The case was solved. He had to join his duty in Madurai the next day. He stood up from the chair and started packing his things.

Many thoughts were running in his head. Ratneshwari's words were ringing in his ears and her face was flashing in front of his eyes. He had seen her after 8 long years. What was that? How could he describe his feelings? What were they called? He did not know.

After he had finished packing, he cooked dinner for himself. He had his dinner and went to sleep. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep but could not. He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling.

He had come a long way. The road was full of thorns. But who was to blame? He had placed the thorns himself. He wanted to stay alone. But that loneliness was destroying him, just like a termite makes a log of wood hollow from inside.

What had he done in these years? Everything flashed in front of him.

Shivan had fallen in love with Ratneshwari long back. Either he had not realised it, or he was too afraid to confess his love for her. He only knew that she was the source of his happiness and peace. The attachment was growing. He could not do anything to stop it.

He had never wanted to cheat on Ratneshwari. But fate had different plans for him. Ratneshwari left him and he could do nothing about it. It gave him immense pain. He did not contact anyone for a month. He used to go for work and come back home. He neglected his health. He cried for nights but the nights did not grow any longer.

After a month, realisation hit him. He remembered Sheetal, the woman he had once loved and his unborn child. He called Sheetal to his house. Sheetal arrived after an hour. He said to her,"I need to talk to you." Sheetal nodded her head.

"We need to get married. I will make the preparations. We will get married this week. We will get married at the temple. Our marriage will be unofficial. We will register our marriage after the 6 months waiting period of my divorce is over."

"What's the hurry? We can get married when the waiting period is over. You are not going to run away."

"Try to understand. You are pregnant. If we wait for too long, your belly will start showing up. Again, people will get to know everything if you give birth just three months after our marriage. I don't want people to call my child a bastard."

"I have something to say."

"Yes, tell me."

"There is no child."

"There is no child!!!! What do you mean? Did you.....abort the child?"

"No"

"Then what???"

"I was never pregnant. That night, you went to your room and fell asleep. Nothing happened between us."

"It was all a lie?"

"Ofcourse it was. You wanted to divorce Ratneshwari but you were not able to convince her. Now, she has agreed for the divorce. We need to wait for a few months. Then, we can be together."

Shivan slapped her hard after hearing those words. Sheetal was shocked. Shivan had never spoken to her harshly. But that day, he had slapped her.

Shivan said to her,"Evil woman! Damn you! You lied to me! How could you taint my character like this? How could you tell my wife that you were pregnant with my child when I had never slept with you."

Sheetal's eyes were red. Her left cheek had turned red due to the slap. With teary eyes and a cracked voice, she said,"I did this for you." She placed her hand on his shoulder and said,"You were not in good terms with her. You wanted to marry me and not her. That's the reason why I did that."

Shivan looked at her and said,"You wanted to marry me. Let us assume that, you had married someone else instead of me and that you had been living with him for 2 years. Suppose, I had told your husband that, you slept with me and that you are now pregnant with my child. Would you like it? No, right? Then how could you do that to me? I never showed my love to my wife. She suffered here. But not even for once, I had disrespected her. The thought of sleeping with you never crossed my mind, even for once. Then, how could you taint my character like this? How?"

Sheetal tried to console him. But Shivan was not ready to listen to her. He said to her,"Sheetal, just leave. Don't say anything. Just leave. Never show me your face again. Just go away."

He never saw her after that day.

He wanted to tell everything to Ratneshwari and bring her back. But then he thought,"Do I deserve her? Will she live with me after all this? Will she trust me after knowing that I had gone to Sheetal's house instead of returning home?" He thought about everything deeply. Then, he decided not to tell her anything. He said to himself,"A man like you does not deserve a loving wife like her. Do not try to stop her. Let her be free. She will find someone who is worthy of her. She will be happy. Do not try to keep her in this hell."

He had thought that, he will be able to live without her. But, he did not know what was coming. He burned in the fire of separation and longed to find solace in Ratneshwari's eyes. He had to live with the pain.

He had assumed that, Ratneshwari was living in peace. He thought that, she had moved on. He did not know that she was also living alone like him.

He wanted to bring her back. He said to himself,"I will leave for Madurai tomorrow. I will take her with me. Let her think whatever she wants. She might say,'Do you think that I am a doll that you will keep with yourself when you want and then throw it away as you please.' I will not say anything. If she slaps me, I will not say anything. Let her curse me if she wants. I deserve that. I will convince her to come with me. I will do it somehow."

(Next day)

It was afternoon. Shivan had decided to take Ratneshwari with him but there was a big problem. He did not know where she was. He did not know where she lived or where she worked. He had not asked her anything. Also, he did not have much time left. He had to board the train in the evening.

He went to the cafe where they had met the previous day. He waited there for an hour. But, she did not come. He searched for her in the nearby bus stop. He searched for her in the market. But, it was of no use.

Shivan was becoming restless. It seemed to him as if he was trying to find a gemstone that was lost in the sea. Where would he find her? How would he find her? He had tears in his eyes. He felt as if no one was ready to help him. He did not know what to do.