Chapter 32 - An Absence

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I sigh wiping my tears away

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I sigh wiping my tears away.

I really can't help but cry. It's all I can actually do, and it is relieving in a way. I've never felt so horrible physically and mentally.

My life has gone to shit in such a short amount of time. It was unexpected as well.

"Katya, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Ilya suddenly enters the kitchen.

I look up at him from the gold bracelet around my wrist. It hurts knowing that he hates me, but I have grown a strong attachment toward the bracelet he gave me. I had it repaired after I had cracked it to get the tracker out of it.

"I'm fine." I need to really stop with the lying. It's obvious right now because of how weak my voice is, and he gives me a look indicating that he doesn't believe me at all.

"You've been acting weird lately. What's wrong? You can talk to me, you know?" He walks toward me and then stands beside me.

"I'm getting married." I was going to have to tell him at some point any way.

"What? To who?" There is so much confusion on his face.

"You don't know him, and I really don't want you and Anton to." I tell him but it only causes him more confusion.

"Why not? You don't look happy either so why are you marrying this man?" He takes my hands in his in a comforting manner.

"He's a horrible person, Ilya." More tears fall down my cheeks as I look at my brother.

"Then why are you marrying him, Katya?" There is a flash of panic in his eyes.

"Because it's the only choice I have. I am doing it to protect you, Anton, and aunt Galina. He has her hostage and won't let her go unless I marry him. He even threatened with hurting you and Anton." My words seem to really shock him.

"But you don't love him...why is he doing this?" He questions and I can see a million questions begin to form in his mind.

"How do you know this man?"

"Remember when I had to go to the hospital one night about four years ago? Papa had told you that I was really sick and that he and mama had to take me to the emergency room." I take his hands in mine tightly.

I might as well tell him the full story so that he can understand me. I can't keep lying to the people I love.

Ilya nods looking a bit afraid of what I will say next.

"I wasn't really sick. They had taken me to the hospital because I was..." I stare into his eyes, and I really hope he doesn't take this badly.

"I was raped." I avoid looking at him now. He pulls his hands away from mine. I begin to think that he feels disgusted with me until he suddenly pulls me into his arms tightly.

I begin crying hard at the action and I hug him back just as tightly.

"The man I am marrying is the one who did it." I say through tears as he kisses my head.

"I'm so sorry, Kat." He says softly, his voice cracking a little.

"You didn't deserve that." He pulls back taking my face in his hands and looking very seriously into my eyes.

"I'm not going to let you marry that fucking idiot." He wipes my under eyes but I shake my head.

"I can't let him hurt you or anyone." I repeat to him, but he shakes his head.

"What's his name?" Anton's voice sounds from the doorway.

Ilya and I turn to look at him and I realize he heard everything. His tear-stained cheeks and watered eyes indicate it.

"If anyone is going to get killed it is him." Anton says walking toward the knife holder and taking the biggest one in his hand.

"Tell me his fucking name, Katya." He demands looking angry and full of rage.

"Anton please put the knife down." I urge him but he shakes his head and leaves the kitchen.

Ilya and I immediately go after him. I wrap my arms around him to hold him back before he can step a foot out the door.

"Please calm down, Anton." I plead through more tears as I hug him tightly.

A sob leaves him as he lets the knife fall from his hand. Ilya immediately takes it and leaves to put it back in its place. I let go of my youngest brother when he turns around to look at me. He only begins to cry hard and also pulls me into a tight hug.

"It wasn't your fault, Kat." He says through tears.

"I promise that it wasn't." He cries harder and hugs me tighter.

Ilya comes back from the kitchen wiping his eyes and cheeks but then breaks down into more tears when seeing me and Anton. He immediately walks toward us and hugs us even tighter.

I feel horrible that they are feeling this way because of me but they needed to know. I'm hoping that this will also in a way make them not want to be around Boris when I marry him. I really don't want them near that piece of shit. I need them and my aunt away.

It's going to pain me to be away from them all. I'm also planning on saying goodbye to Gianna and Morelia for good. I don't want the people I love to see me miserable and suffering. I also really don't want Boris around any of them.

I need everyone as far away from me as possible. It's going to be painful, and I know that it will be even more painful for my brothers when I tell them about it but it's for the best. I'm doing it to protect them. It's all I have ever done since the moment each of them was born and I don't plan to ever stop.

I'm their older sister and I can't disappoint my parents by letting them become affected by me and the person I will marry. I refuse to let them suffer even if they still will be hurt with my absence.

I hug them both tighter just at the thought. The time is actually coming sooner than I thought.

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