Of Blood and Roses

Chapter 20

As I prepared for dinner that evening, knowing I would not be able to stay in my room much longer without raising suspicions, there was a knock at my door. My breath hitched, and Sabine and I exchanged a look in the mirror as she pinned a rose into my hair. It was painted red, and I hoped that wearing a blood rose might somehow give me strength.

But as Jeanette returned, Jourdon in tow, all my false resolve vanished. Sabine reached out, placing a hand on my shoulder and squeezing. It conveyed what she couldn't say.

I was not alone.

I forced a smile as I greeted him. He looked the as he had when he left, hesitant as he took in my chambers, not meeting my gaze. I forced myself to meet his eyes once they eventually landed on me, hoping that none of my suspicions showed on my face.

"Ophelia, a pleasure to see you," he said, bowing. He took my hand in his, surprising me as he placed a brief, chaste kiss on the back of it. My skin crawled, and I had to resist snatching it back.

"Your Royal Highness. Pleasant to see you too." I sounded stiffer than I intended, but he didn't seem to notice.

It took every ounce of composure to not let my smile waver as I presented him with a curtsy, then wound my arm through his as he led me from the room towards the dining hall.

I sensed Sabine following us, but when I glanced back she was nowhere to be seen. My palms we slick with sweat, and I tried to discreetly wipe them on my skirts, hopeful Jourdon didn't notice my nerves. I didn't like being so far from Sabine. Two guards followed us, but both of them were Garnetti.

No friends of mine.

"I apologize for the way we left things. I do hope you can allow me time to make up for my absence." Jourdon shot me a rare smile. It was fleeting, and didn't quite meet his gaze, but a few days before it might have been enough for me to forgive him.

"It's fine." My tone was short, betraying my lie. I was far from fine.

Jourdon gazed down at me, far too close for comfort. A frown threatened at his mouth, and he sighed. "It was terrible for me to leave you so soon. But now that all my business is dealt with, I want you to know I plan to do my best. This marriage might be a political arrangement, but I think you deserve to at least be courted. I plan to make that my focus in the coming weeks."

I took a closer look at him. Had I not known better I would have fallen for the act—it seemed so genuine. There was a slight tremor in his voice, his eyes darting away every time they met mine.  Like he was confessing to something he had thought long and hard about. He glanced at me quickly, as if he were nervous, and he flipped a piece of golden hair out of his eyes. I tried to come up with a response.

"I am not much good at these things. I... talking to others is not my strength. It never has been. But it is important to you, so I just want you to know I am going to try to make this as pleasant for you as possible."

I eyed him warily. Was this it? The seduction Sabine had mentioned in the Aurelian's plans? 

My skin prickled at the base of my neck, and a whisper echoed at my ears. It had been so clear I paused to look behind us, but there was nothing aside from the flickering light of the sconces casting gold flames over the dark paintings.

 I tried to channel the lovesick fool I had been before, but she was so far gone I couldn't remember what it had felt like. Panicking, I thought of Pierre. How his kiss had felt.. If it was Pierre here instead of Jourdon, how would I respond?

I looked down at my feet. A flush rushed over my skin, remembering the tantalizing brush of Pierre's slim fingers. "I would like that," I said softly, allowing myself the momentary indulgence to think of Pierre. I unearthed every forbidden thought. "For you to try, that is. We are still strangers."

Jourdon let out a breath as if he had been holding it. "Very well then. Tomorrow I will start by calling on you early. There is the ball coming up, we can oversee it together."

He glanced at me from the corner of his eye. "Perhaps we can walk the gardens after? Though I suppose you have seen them...silly of me. I would say tea, but I am not one for it. Lunch then? Lunch would be nice." He looked at me hopefully. Then something seemed to occur to him, and he grimaced. "Sorry, I am rambling...what would you like to do?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. He was a completely different man from the one that had silently sat across from me in the carriage a few short weeks ago. Had I not known it to be an act, I would have seen him as a shy, overgrown boy that was just getting a grip on being a man. And I probably would have fallen for it.

Even now, it was hard to not be charmed by the nervous flick of his eyes, the way he looked at me unguarded, as if he had let down some of the wall around himself in an effort to do better by me. I knew I would have forgiven him instantly.

He was almost exactly as I had envisioned him for all those years.

I checked to make ensure I was still smiling, and though I despised it, I drew closer to him.

"Lunch would be perfect. As is overseeing the plans for the ball. I heard mention of it from the others, when is it supposed to be?"

"A week from now, I believe." He cleared his throat, glancing around the hall. We were alone, still a ways from the dining room. My heart stuttered at the realization, but I knew Sabine was close, even if she couldn't hear our conversation.

I allowed our pace to slow, making myself gaze up at him, our bodies a bit closer than what was proper.

"You really are quite pretty... I was distracted before. But that portrait...I've...it doesn't do you justice."

My body tensed. But I didn't let my gaze waver on his.

"Perhaps after lunch you can read me some poetry," I said, smiling sweetly. Then I pulled away.

Jourdon blinked at me momentarily, but if he suspected I had found his books in the library, he didn't show it. Another small smile flickered across his face.

"Perhaps I will."

Awkward silence lapsed between us. I was surprised when Jourdon was the one to break it.

"Sorry, I did not come right away."

"That is alright, I know you must have had much to see to upon your arrival."

Jourdon sighed. "It's not just that. Mother is..." he trailed off, his voice catching. He paused. "She is the worse I have ever seen her. I could not bear to leave her side."

My stomach dropped, remembering the Queen. News of her illness had spread through the palace. I had meant to go check on her but had not been sure it was my place. We had never had lunch as she had requested.

"She is that unwell?"

"Terribly so. Completely bedridden, can't even drink on her own." He let out a long breath. It was another break in his wall, another sliver of vulnerability. Was he still faking? I wasn't sure. As much a monster as he was, I didn't think Jourdon was pretending to be upset about his mother.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I hope she recovers soon."

Jourdon gave me a weak smile. "Thank you. I hope so as well." He didn't sound convinced.

We continued the rest of the way in silence. But something about Jourdon unnerved me in a way I hadn't expected, replaying our conversation over and over in my head. His brow had a troubled furrow, likely caught up in thoughts of his mother.

Jourdon was better at acting than I had expected. I thought upon seeing him again, I would unveil hidden malice behind his eyes, or see something I had failed to before. Because for someone to plan such nefarious things, truly there had to be some way of knowing? Some kind of evil lurking in him that I would be able to see.

What if I'm wrong? a small voice said at the back of my mind, a sliver of doubt wedging into my thoughts. But I quickly quieted it.

Everything pointed to Jourdon. He was my enemy.

I couldn't allow myself to forget that.

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-Kat xx