A Coin Has Two Sides (Season Two) || Kaz Brekker x OC

13. A New Path

Kaz was dreaming again.

His dreams were always plagued with one of two things.

Jordie.

Or Winnie.

It was a toss of the dice to see who would be present in his dreams every time he closed his eyes, and it was another risk if it would be a dream or a nightmare.

But tonight the dice had landed on Jordie and with that a nightmare would always be the thing to follow.

Kaz woke in a cold sweat after the vivid images of Jordie's dead body lying in front of him had played in his mind.

He walked over to a small basin where he poured water into it and begun scrubbing his hands within an inch of their life as he thought of the feel of the dead flesh under his palms.

He had to physically pull himself away before he started peeling the skin right off his bones.

As he leaned over the basin, he raised his head slowly to look at himself in the mirror.

The sight of his bruises and cuts made him remember Winnie sat in front of him as she cleaned the blood from his face.

She was so gentle, so careful. Cautious to respect his boundaries.

Boundaries which he desperatly wanted to tear himself free of.

He remembered the well-defined features on her face.

Her red lips.

Her beautiful skin on her neck.

Her perfect body.

Kaz had always known about what needs men have.

It was impossible not to in a place like the Barrel. Drunk men and brothels around every corner told Kaz all he needed to know.

But despite his acknowledgment that not having them at all would make his life so much easier, they were still there.

And whenever she was around him, he was reminded of their presence.

It would infuriate him. But it would also exhaust him.

The battle that he had to fight in his own mind.

And so far, the need to have her wasn't strong enough to counteract the traumatic memories that would push him away from her.

Not to mention the understanding Kaz had that she was such a weakness to him already.

He didn't need her making him a slave over her body, too.

That would complicate things massively.

And Winnie Marth was a girl who he knew liked to have her fun. To toy around with him.

There was no way she wouldn't tease him with her immaculate body that he would crave more than anything.

Kaz knew that it was for the best to simply imagine what could be rather than to actually find out, if he ever could.

But all these problems were no longer going to bother him.

She was gone.

She had left him.

The second she had disappeared once more from his room his anger towards her dissipated.

All he felt was guilt and longing to have her back with him.

The very emotions he had sworn to himself he wouldn't feel when she eventually moved away from Ketterdam.

It was one of the many reasons why he never allowed himself to reveal his heart to her.