U̶n̶dying love ~ Levi x Reader

Chapter 18

Cool air caressed my cheeks as I entered the courtyard. The shadow of the fountain stretched across the grass, and the sky's red hues reflected in its rippling waters. They blended with the yellow light beginning to shine from the windows. The crows on the rooftop and trees chirped along with the moving liquid, creating a tranquil melody.

Inside, the atmosphere had been cramped, with virtually all the cadets were running around cleaning Levi had told them to. Since I was going to check on Armin anyway, I decided to walk across the courtyard to the stables instead of squeezing through the busy hallways.

Inhaling the air, I cracked a satisfied smirk. Not only had I escaped cleaning duty, but I had also gotten a moment to myself outside. No sweaty cadets bumping past each other with mops and soap tightly clutched to their chests in sight. I probably wouldn't have to deal with that for the rest of the evening either.

The thought of it almost made me raise my fist in the air. Even though I pressed it tightly to my side, I couldn't help but make a little celebration gesture. The others were probably being scolded for not meeting Levi's cleaning standards right at that moment. And I wasn't.

Speaking of my dear captain, I hadn't seen him since he left us all in the hallway. Perhaps he was somewhere, furiously scrubbing at a never-leaving stain.

It wouldn't be a first.

Or maybe, he was off sulking somewhere; still angry from before. What he was so upset about was beyond me. It was so sudden, and a little thing as Armin bumping into me wasn't something he'd normally get so worked up about.

Maybe he really was off sulking somewhere.

I froze, hand grasping the door handle for the stable's entrance.

Maybe he really was off sulking somewhere.

I bit my lip as I thought back to what happened. How he had looked back at me when Armin accidentally pushed me against the wall. How he avoided eye contact with me. And how he had left without a word.

Almost as if he was ashamed.

Levi, humanity's strongest soldier, was ashamed. He who I had never seen doubting himself or his actions before. Even when he blatantly disobeyed Erwin's orders and turned back to save me and my comrades outside the walls, he didn't do as much as apologize. So why was he, of all people, ashamed? What did he have to be ashamed about?

It was then that I thought back to our conversation we had had on the old hq's roof.

Wincing, his words replayed in my mind, "You nearly died because of me."

I almost died because of him...

He thought it was his fault.I tightened my grip on the metal.

How could I not have realized? The reason he was ashamed was because...

"I almost fucking lost you."

He blamed himself for almost losing me.

"I want to stay close."

And to not have been able to keep me from harm.

When he avoided my gaze and left, it was because he felt pathetic.

My heart ached with guilt. Had he felt that way ever since he saw me lying on the ground after falling from the wall, all bloody and messed up? Had he believed it was his fault all along? And yet, even after saving me from dying a second time, he still hadn't forgiven himself?