dare # minsung

about that best friend

This was what I wanted, right? All these years of crushing on Changbin – I wanted him to kiss me, right?

Then why did it not feel that way? He was so close, our lips only being a few centimetres apart. Has all of that gone down the drain?

I was even more confused when I lowered my head, shaking his hand off and his lips colliding with my forehead. It didn't make me feel excited the way kissing Minho did. It didn't give me any goosebumps, I didn't ache for more. Changbin was my friend and he had a boyfriend.

It didn't matter if it was fake. It really didn't matter if it was only Changbin who felt that way. In the end, none of this was fair to anyone.

"You have a boyfriend, Changbin." I couldn't manage to look at him. That heartbroken look.

Changbin and I had always been the bestest of friends. I saw everything of him and he saw everything of me. Now, not in a physical sense! Although... Nevermind.

We just saw a lot of different sides throughout the years. Yet, none of us saw heartbreak in each other. Because it was always just us. Changbin and Jisung. Jisung and Changbin.

We did have close other friends, I was close with Minho too before all that, but it wasn't to the same degree. Changbin knew everything about me.

And this emotional vulnerability was what ruined it for me the most. Because I won't ever forget the face Hyunjin made when Changbin sat next to me or how Changbin's face lit up when Hyunjin called him his boyfriend. Changbin who would always shy away from kissing me, let someone kiss him in places I really didn't want to see (his neck, really?).

I didn't like Changbin anymore and Changbin didn't like me. We missed out on that opportunity and I didn't want to repeat what happened to us, with what's happening to me and Minho.

So when I looked back at Changbin and put my hand on his cheek, I said, "I love you too and I will forever love you but it's not the same anymore. You always told me to be honest with my feelings when I was the biggest coward and only ran away... So, Changbin-"

I took a deep breath. Never in my life would I have thought I'd end up rejecting the believed love of my life.

"You were my first love but now we both like other people and you need to come to terms with that too."

He pulled one of his legs up, putting his arms over it to support his head on his knee as he looked out the window.

"I know we promised each other forever but I assume we're both aware that our friendship has not taken these past few weeks well."

Those words hurt. Even though I was aware of it, these words hurt like hell. Nothing in this world could have prepared me for this. Losing the one person I loved the most.

"I am sorry, Changbin."

I stood up to leave the room.

"I am sorry too," were the last words I heard before I ran out of the house because I desperately needed to get out of here.

As I was sitting on the porch, crying my eyes out – Literally, I was a sobbing mess, snot and all ... not the best thing you would want to look at – someone approached me. However, I had put my head on my knees, not really seeing anything.

"Hey." I didn't quite recognise the voice but then again, I wasn't thinking straight.

"Hey, I am talking to you." The person snapped their fingers in front of my head, making me look straight up.

"You good there?" The blonde guy looked genuinely concerned but I didn't know him, so I personally couldn't tell.

Which is why I didn't even bother and hid my head again. The dude apparently couldn't take a hint and sat down right next to me. "Yeah, my day hasn't been the greatest either. I am Chan, by the way."

Chan. I could swear I had heard that name before. Didn't Felix mention a name like that?

And that's when it dawned on me.

"The Christian guy?" I sat up again looking him in the eyes as he just looked confused.

"No, I am not particularly Christian - Oh wait, do you mean Christopher? As in my English name?" He let out a laugh, making me very uncomfortable. This was too much social interaction for my introverted ass. So while he was laughing, I cleared my throat. As low as my social battery had gotten, I wasn't going to go home just yet. Minho didn't know where I was and I couldn't be arsed to pull out my phone. He wouldn't hear it ring anyway.

"Why are you here? I thought you came with Seungmin."

The Australian stranger sighed loudly looking ahead as if the answers laid right there.

"That's what I thought too. Can't blame him though, I too want to escape this marriage thing." Now his head hung low. Whatever he was talking about, I couldn't really tell what went through his head.

"Felix and Seungmin have a special bond, you know? They're tutoring each other."

"That's - You don't actually believe that, do you now? Seungmin who could afford ten thousand qualified tutors goes to ask a high schooler for help?"

"So they are -" "Yup."

All I had to know.

"How come you're sitting here, uh-"

"Jisung. I am Han Jisung."

He gave me a warm smile. Maybe he was nice after all. I smiled too, not feeling uncomfortable anymore. Until I remembered his question, that was.

"I don't know. I-" I choked up on my own words. Quite pathetic if you were asking me.

Chan soothingly put a hand on my shoulder. What a weird guy.

Imagine being so nice to someone you had just met.

"I had a best friend too, you know? But I just lost him."

After all these years where it was just us against the world, we suddenly grew apart. And if that wasn't heartbreak, I didn't know what was.