awsten knight imagines

rainy days in la.

word count: 1289
tw: slight angst

12:28 am.

i should have been sleeping. i should have been fast asleep, especially considering i was supposed to go to the recording studio with geoff and otto at 9 am the next morning. well, technically that morning.

but, i wasn't sleeping. instead, i was listening to the rain pound on the roof while i thought about her. i also shouldn't have been thinking about her. we broke up a month ago.

i remembered the night clearly. i had just gotten home from a four month long tour. i was tired and stressed. all she asked for was just a little bit of attention and i lashed out on her. we argued and she decided she couldn't deal with me anymore and packed some of her stuff and left. i had no idea where she went but i felt like an asshole. she just missed me. i missed her too, of course, but i obviously didn't show that very well. just too jet lagged to think properly.

she didn't come back for the rest of her stuff. for some reason, that gave me hope that she wasn't gone for good and soon she'd come home and we would be okay again. i didn't want to live without her in my life. we were together for almost three years when we broke up. but, it had been an entire month. she probably wasn't coming back, not even for the rest of her clothes.

i remembered what she was wearing the night she left. just one of my old waterparks hoodies and shorts. i wondered if she still wore it. i wondered if it still smelled like me. i wondered if even she still thought about me. maybe she already moved on.

i tried. but, there was still a large part of me that didn't want to move on from her. i remembered on the way home from the airport that all i wanted to do was go home and cuddle her in bed. except she insisted on watching a movie with me in the living room, which i agreed to do. she kept trying to make conversation but i was so tired, i snapped and a fight broke out. we didn't usually fight. but, for some reason, one of the few times we did, she up and left. i cried a lot that night. i just felt so stupid.

it started raining harder. rain always reminded me of her. not because she was gloomy, because truly she was the opposite, but for a different reason. she loved rain. every time it rained she always insisted sitting at the coffee table in the kitchen by the window while we listen to it and talk. if it was warm enough, she always wanted to play outside in it. she liked jumping in the puddles and dancing. i hated dancing but i always danced in the rain with her.

i wondered if she was awake, listening to the rain like i was. i didn't doubt it. i wondered if she remembered dancing in the rain with me, pulling me towards her and making me dance when i objected at first. did she miss it? did she miss me at all?

i felt like a lovesick puppy right then and there. like a dog that just got left alone in the woods by it's owner. i didn't know what to do without her. you'd think i'd at least attempt to move on with life after a month, but i just couldn't. i needed her.

my head snapped up when i heard a knock at the door. that couldn't be right, it was literally 12:40 am. who the hell just shows up to someone's house in the middle of the night?

i got up from the coffee table and made my way to the front door, looking through the peephole.

it was her.

i opened the door and there she stood, soaking wet. she looked up at me with apologetic eyes and a sad smile. jesus, i missed her.

"hi...can i come in?" y/n spoke. i nodded, vigorously, letting her inside.

"you're soaking wet, let me go grab towels." i said, rushing to the cabinet in the hallway.

"sorry...i took an uber and they dropped me off on the wrong street. it was just one street over so it wasn't that bad but still...i got a little wet." she told me. i rushed back over to her and gave her two towels and she began to dry off.

"guess you didn't love the rain this time."

"it's better when it's warmer and it's not dark outside."

the two of us laughed quietly and i just stood there awkwardly. i didn't know what to say. but, there had to be a reason she was back. right?

"so, coffee?" i offered.

"that would be great." she agreed, with a small smile.

the two of us walked out to the kitchen and she sat at the coffee table while i went over to the coffee pot and poured us both some coffee. i brewed a pot about an hour previous when i realized i wouldn't be getting sleep anytime soon. i made our coffees how each of us liked it and then brought it back over to the table, sliding her cup to her.

"i'm sorry." y/n immediately began. "i shouldn't have just left. i was so upset. i just wanted to spend time with you and i didn't take into account that you might have been exhausted. i could have just waited until the next morning."

"i'm sorry too. i should have just told you that i was tired and i definitely shouldn't have lashed out on you. i missed you too, i know i didn't show that very well." i apologized. she nodded.

"i hate when we argue. i miss you so much. i don't know what gave me the idea to come here in the middle of the night. i was just listening to the rain and i started to wonder if you were too. next thing i knew, i was in an uber on my way to our- to your apartment."

"it's still your apartment too, y/n. if you want it to be. because, honestly, i was wondering if you were listening to the rain too. i missed you like hell."

"you still want me back?" y/n asked me, clearly surprised. how was she surprised? we had been together for 3 years. of course i still loved her. "i would have thought you'd have moved on by now."

"of course i want you back. you're the love of my life, y/n. not a day has gone by where i didn't miss you."

with that, y/n got up and walked over to me, wrapping her arms around me. i moved so that she could sit on my lap and straddle me, and she hugged me tighter while burying her head in my neck. i didn't even care that her damp clothes were getting me wet. i was just glad to have her back in my arms.

"i love you so much." y/n told me. i smiled.

"i love you more." i replied.

"not likely, but let's not argue. can we go to bed?" she asked me.

"yeah, i'll carry you."

i carried her to our bedroom and dropped her on the bed. we laughed for a few moments before she went to her dresser and grabbed pajamas, getting them on and joining me in bed. the two of us cuddled up together and i sighed, happily.

it didn't take long for me to fall asleep at all.