Express The Distress

silence

silence

all i hear is silence off your lips
the air between us becoming stagnant,
stale with what was left unsaid

and inside myself, i endure each heartfelt palpitation
that curls around and suffocates each nerve ending i have

because tension is death—
death in the way that it feels like everything in the world is going all wrong
and your lungs can't take it, so they strain for oxygen
oxygen that isn't quite pure, but tainted—
tainted with your silence

i wait,
i wait, and i wait, and i wait
for something,
anything from you as a sign that this isn't going to last forever
because god, it feels like forever

my cuticles are bright red, picked to the stubs, raw
my head spinning on an axis i can't quite control

you, on my mind
like clockwork

tick, tick, tick
it doesn't stop
it won't stop

go away—i want you to go away
but i don't at the same time

nothing, no text, no call, no effort in communication
it tears up my stomach, cramps stabbing the entire surface
deeper with each new one

not the regular cramps but the ones that make you nauseous,
the ones that make you want to be held until you can breathe again

you want to cry, you want to yell, you want to scream

you imagine your knuckles colliding with the glass mirror
shattering the ugly image staring back at you

glass ricocheting like sprinkling rain on the sad vanity right in front of you
embedding shards of feeling into your very breakable skin
(because after all you are just human and humans are not artificial)

blood the corporate of the mess you made

it doesn't make you feel better

you aren't crazy, just infuriated
hurt—really really hurt

you don't want this because "fighting" is torture,
war is casualties and you don't want to die any longer

silence is a weapon
and you wield well

i'm not supposed to be your enemy
but you cut me open nonetheless

it speaks loader than the soft or other times bitter words that lather your tongue
actions screaming bold black

my hands go to cover my ears only to realize that that is worse
the silence is unbearable

and there's nothing i can do, even as traffic continues, as the apartment below bumps music and the washing machine sings its tune saying it's all clean

there is only the silence between you and me
the silence that is slowly killing me

-Pelton02