Express The Distress

once upon a time

You were mine once upon a time.

And it was like a fairytale. All too good to be true.

Honeysuckle words dripping syrupy sweet, filling my heart to the point of complete. It was you and me every weekend, then repeat, repeat, repeat.

Your warm breath on my neck planting toe-curling kisses down to the prominent line of my collar bone. Your hands in my hair pulling sexily without care. Your teeth nipping my skin as you sported a full-fledged grin. Your everything causing my head to spin, spin, spin.

Cuddling at night because without you it doesn't feel right. Calling every day because your voice puts a smile on my face. Texting because I miss you every second like clockwork, or a routine, or an oath written out in bright bold red so it could never be misread.

We were going places, hitting home bases. We were holding hands driving seamlessly without any real plans. We were laughing. Then we were quiet. Enjoying one another until the time we'd have to separate and life took over once again.

It was you. The first person I'd go to about anything. I'd tell you everything and if I didn't you'd pull it out of me because you are stubborn and persistent, and persuasive. You were my best friend, my boyfriend, my happiest days.

You had my heart. You did. You still do. You took it. You had to of because I don't remember giving it to you. You have my heart, resting in the hollow of your fucking hands. And it was the best most euphoric feeling I've ever had. It was. I swear to God it was.

—Until it wasn't.

Until you moved away. Until talking every day became talking once every other day. Until asking how you were and what you were doing became I can't tell you and I don't want to talk about it. Until saying "I love you" became a question that had to be asked and not just said. Until worrying about you became "annoying". Until missing you became painful. Until the effort put in became one-sided. Until I cared too much and you didn't care enough. Until you slowly drifted away. Away from me. Until you broke every promise you swore to keep. Until you and I became all but a restless, awful, broken-hearted dream.

Until loving you reversed, and got spat back in my face.

I loved you like a worn-out record, overplayed but never losing ace. I still love you. That's all I fucking do—from the time I wake up to the time I fall asleep—it's you. Engraved as if you were a lifelong tattoo.

But it doesn't matter. Love is just a feeling. There's no rule book or special steps. There's no magic wand to wave to make things okay. No, love is just scribbled notes on a page in all directions written and rewritten, overlapping in all shapes and sizes. You can color out of the lines because it's not like if you don't everything will be fine.

Sometimes things don't work out no matter how badly you want them to. No matter how badly you try.

Love is all you want and more. The ultimate most invigorating feeling you will ever feel.

But it can also be a fraud. A fake. A phony.

Love is heaven-sent.

But it's also hell-bound.

I hope you don't ever experience both sides.