What if one day your so called perfect life disappeared? Everyone thinks Everleigh Andrews has it all, the perfect job, the perfect friends, the perfect boyfriend but what if things aren't always what they seem?
Everleigh Andrews doesn't know how...
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I think that today would surprise anyone who knows me, most of all I've surprised myself. When I told Niall my plans for today he asked me if I had fallen and bumped my head and had a concussion. When I head back to school and our normal daily routine I know the ridicule I'm sure to receive. At this very moment, I do not care.
After our picnic and watching the rocket launch we left the center and headed back to the cottage. We have a few hours until we are due to be at my parents house for dinner. I can't believe I allowed my father to guilt trip me into this. It always works when he uses mum as bait. I can only imagine how excited she is. My relationship with my father is complicated. We were touch and go there for a while as I resented him for forcing me to move to this country, but we agreed to a truce of sorts. I know he's disappointed in the fact that I'm not following in his footsteps with the engineering thing and working with NASA.
He is very disappointed in the fact that I am majoring in literature and that I plan to be a writer. We don't talk about it and I don't share my work with him or anyone for that matter. It's always been my plan to graduate and move to Paris or back to London. If push came to shove I think I could go to New York City, but only as a last resort. I'm currently behind in my senior thesis as I haven't had a single idea of what to write about. Looking over at the girl who's sitting beside me on the beach currently though has changed that. I think I've found my muse.
The proper definition of love is an intense feeling of deep affection or a great interest and pleasure in something. Used as a verb it's to feel deep affection for someone or to like or enjoy something very much. It's a word I've never used outside of using the word with my mum or signing the word on a birthday card for my father or I've even used it in an obligatory manner with my sister. I used it often with my grandparents when they were alive. I know what it feels like to love those family members. Outside of that though, I don't have a clue.
Looking over at Everleigh right now I'm well aware there's a feeling that's clouding my judgement. The feeling that's made me do things I otherwise never would have done. The feeling that renders me speechless and changes the way my heartbeat feels. I don't know what any of these feelings are. That's my mission. That's what I'll write about. The age old question of what is love and how do we fall into it, how do we keep it and how do we know when we've found "the one"? These are all questions I'll ask and explore for my senior thesis.
She makes me feel things. I'm not entirely comfortable with that and I'm not sure I ever will be, but I came to the realization that I can't stay away from her. She's the first person I've ever had feelings for. The funny thing is that I had no control over it. In the past I've never been aware of having to resist feeling anything and I've never thought twice about it. Sex has always just been sex and it's never had feelings associated with it outside of feeling pleasure in the moment. I never had a desire to hold anyone in my arms and cuddle afterwards, I never even felt the need to kiss them in the heat of the moment. Kissing just felt too intimate to me. Girls love to kiss apparently and I've always felt like a jerk when I pull away from it.
