m;reader oneshots

dysphoria-eric (the boyz)

tw! gender dysphoria, body dysphoria, deadnaming

m/n could feel his hands shaking.

no matter how many times he readjusted his binder, he could still feel it. the impending sense of fat that laid on his chest. even though he could barely breathe he wanted it tighter. his sweater was covering his torso, but he could still feel the impending weight. he had ended up calling in sick from work, as he felt like he was going to pass out any minute from the stress.

standing up from his place on the floor, he felt the sweat trail down his neck. he stumbled over to the bathroom. he felt sick.

***

with his day not officially having to start, he left for the dance studio to calm his nerves. he wrapped his binder tight around his chest, feeling a small sense of relief flow up his back. grabbing his boyfriends shirt, he slipped on a sweater and large sweatpants before grabbing his keys and walking out the door.

m/n laid on the floor of his studio, chugging a bottle of water. most of his fears had run away as he started dancing around, just enjoying himself and not doing anything serious. he wish he could just work at the studio, giving the occasional class to the students there. he loved his current job, but his increase of days where his mental health decided to play of game of throwing his stability out the window really interfered with the whole working aspect of work. he took another chug of his water and locking it before throwing it into his bag which laid a few feet away.

he closed his eyes, the hum of the ac calming him down.

until the door opened.

"m/n someone's here to talk to you." his friend said, ushering the woman into the room.

"d/n what are you even doing? what are these clothes? going by "he/him pronouns". you're coming home with me."

his birth giver.

how he fucking hated her. he attempted not to hate people (not because he was a good person, but because he was to lazy to try), but she was the exception. silently ticking down a time bomb before she kicked him out.

tears ran through m/n's eyes, trying to back away from the demon in the room.

"oh dear lord d/n, just come here already. we are going home right now. i found a program to help you recover. i bought you a nice dress and skirt, they're in the car right now."

m/n's eyes looked over to his friends in fear, pleading for help. he scrambled like a baby deer over to his bag, quickly making sure he had everything before bolting out the door.

"d/n get back here this instance!" his birth giver screamed as he exited the building, running across the street.

***

m/n slid down the bathroom door, tears pricking his eyes. throwing his head in between his legs, he felt the tears soak into his sweatpants?

why was he unlucky?

he had everything he wanted. a cozy home, an amazing boyfriend, a happy place. he had everything to be satisfied. but that didn't stop the looming ghost that followed him around with every step, choosing random days to pop out and yell "boo" at him.

m/n stretched his legs out, resting his head in the crooks of the door. he continued to cry, his head pounding at the intense water pressure change in his brain.

"babe are you in there?" his boyfriend knocked on the bathroom door, his voice barely above a whisper. m/n was too upset to reply, moving over into the corner between the shower and the wall. his boyfriend knocked again, leaning his head on the door.

"m/n, are you in there?" with no response, his boyfriend sighed. "i'm going to open the door, ok?" he said, turning the knob.

he was greeted by m/n's puffy face and red-rimmed eyes looking back up at him.

his boyfriend rushed over and slowly grabbed his hand, drawing comforting circles on it.

"are you ok?" he said, hesitantly sitting next to him.

m/n loved his boyfriend. he always seemed to have a caretaking attitude about him. he had a fitting name. eric. m/n's prince.

m/n slowly nodded his head, squeezing onto eric's hand. he flipped himself over and climbed into his boyfriend's lap, tears soaking his shirt. eric wrapped his arms around his waist, careful to see how he would react. the boy could have certain opinions on what parts of his body pained him the most on certain days. "i'm here m/n. i'm here."

the two sat in the corner of their bathroom, laying in a tight hug. "i'm sorry." m/n said, wiling his tears away. "i had to call out of work again today." eric's eyes fell as he looked at m/n's sad expression. "it's ok. i'm here for you. don't beat yourself up for it." "but i could have gone today. i don't have a shift tomorrow, so i could have dealt with it tomorrow." eric looked into m/n's eyes, leaving a kiss on his cheek. "nothing is more important than your wellbeing honey."

eric rewrapped his arms around m/n rocking him back and forth. "were you going to take a shower today, or is it to bad for you to." "i think i'm going to shower." m/n said getting up. eric left a quick kiss on his forehead before exiting the bathroom.

m/n took a deep breath before taking off his shirt. the pounding water was drowning out his thoughts. he quickly took off his binder, looking away from the mirror. pulling off his pants, he stepped into the shower, letting the water fall on him. he quickly made sure to get everything done, wanting to spend as little time as necessary in there.

he wrapped himself in a towel before grabbing a new shirt and pants from the closet. pulling on a hoodie, he walked outside, his damp hair sticking out everywhere.

m/n plopped on the couch, catching his boyfriends attention. "here, let me dry your hair for you baby." eric said, grabbing the towel off of m/n's shoulder. he leaned into eric's lap, the calming rubbing making m/n's eyes close in satisfaction.

"there, now you can be cozy and not get sick." eric said placing down the towel and kissing his boyfriend's temple. "now, what manly things do you want to do today."

m/n'a heart fluttered at the words. he remembered the first time he had been told that, and now it was a constant hug around him whenever he felt tired.

"i want to cuddle you." he said, melting his body into eric's. eric lightly laughed before leaning down, pulling a blanket over the two. he quickly kissed the top of his boyfriend's head, wrapping his arms around his waist.

rubbing small circles on the boy's tummy, he felt his boyfriend's face snuggle into his arm. eric brought his hand up and played with the boy's hair, calming the tired boy down.

he soon heard sleepy breaths and quiet snores emit from the boy in front of him. eric quickly turned off the lights, and cuddled into his boyfriend's warmth.

"you are so amazing, my love." he whispered, planting a kiss on his forehead.

"you're my boy."

/******/
word count: 1238
status: unedited
original date of publish: 12/4/2022

ive had this idea in my drafts for a few weeks,
and now ive finally gotten around to writing it
i like writing about my own issues
it solves a lot

byebye~