unfortunate desire || lee heeseung || (m)

seventeen

heeseung was nervous. and he liked to believe that he never got nervous- especially about parties and girls. but something about the party tonight, and whether or not you were going to show up made him undeniably nervous and it was killing him that he couldn't control it.

heeseung hasn't spoken to you since he dropped you off at your house yesterday and slammed the door in his face. he knew from what you said that you were onto him. you knew that he was avoiding you and he knew that you were upset about it. he wanted to tell you that you weren't the only one upset about it.

honestly, heeseung felt like he had to create some distance between you and him. ever since the night where he almost took your virginity, he's had a hard time thinking about anyone or anything else.

he was disappointed when he woke up the next morning to an empty bed, your clothes gone, and the hoodie he had let you wear was thrown onto his desk. at first, he didn't understand why he felt upset that you had snuck out before he woke up, but he realized soon enough it was because of an underlying feeling he didn't dare speak or think about.

heeseung has been wondering if he has had the underlying feeling for you for the entire time he has known you- and that it only started to affect him now because he was spending more time with you- and often those times were intimate. he thinks (or hopes) that it's all just a part of his hormonal teenage brain that makes him only think he has feelings for you.

but he still can't help but get annoyed when you bring up jake- and the fact that you're basically in love with him.

heeseung knows that parties are where your friends like to hang out. it's where they all feel at peace with themselves and have fun. so he knows jake and isa will be here tonight. but he wonders if you'll show up. he's noticed pretty early on into your hateship that you're not a party person, yet you still show up for your friends and jake. he also knows that you're absolutely pissed at him and are losing hope in getting jake to like you back. so he figures that there's about a 30/70 chance that you will show up.

he hopes that his made-up 30 percent chance is true and that you'll come right up to him and ask what the plan is tonight. he even thinks that if you come up to him and just slap his bicep like you usually do will be sufficient enough for him to at least be able to see you.

heeseung knows sunghoon and jay are around this house party somewhere. he saw sunghoon dancing with some girls earlier, and jay was against a wall with choerry not too long ago. but he couldn't be bothered to find them at a time like this. he didn't feel like himself, and he knew his friends would be able to catch on in no time.

he hasn't seen jake tonight, and he wonders if he's with isa somewhere. maybe he's taking her out on a proper date, and holding her hand and saying things heeseung has only imagined himself saying to her. he realizes then that he doesn't care what jake says to isa- but he knows he should. he used to care at least.

"boo!" a false deep voice exclaims from behind him and grabs a tight hold of his arm.

"jesus!" he turns around with a scowl, ready to reprimand the person who just tried to scare him. his scowl fades when he sees isa.

"what're you thinking about so deeply?" isa starts a conversation, her pretty smile on her face as she looks up at him.

"nothing much," heeseung shrugs and takes a sip of his drink, immediately wishing he was drunker.

"really? nothing much?" isa quirks her eyebrow, "if it's nothing then why does it have you zoning out at a party?"

"that's a good point."

"you should have fun tonight, heeseung!" she grips his arms, shaking him gently.

"i know, i know."

isa lets one of her hands drop from his bicep while the other one snakes its way up to his shoulder, where it plays with the hem of his shirt, "i think you need a distraction."