Titanic - Never give up

Hopeless

When I woke up, I found myself on a narrow and uncomfortable bed.  All around me, I heard a soft jumble of voices, I seemed to be in a large hall. Suddenly the memories burst into me – the ice-cold water, the screams and the many people. I drove up. My breath was blowing. Where's Harold and where's Grandpa? "Miss. Miss. " A stewardess shook my arm. I looked at her in panic. "Everything's fine, you're safe here. Please calm down. Do you have relatives or did you travel alone?" "No, I travelled with my grandfather." "And what is your grandfather's name?" she asked a hint of impatience. ,,Edward, Edward John Smith. " She looked at me with pity. "Oh, do you know anyone else who might be here?" I glanced at her without understanding. "Harold, Harold Lowe", I stammered.  "Good", she muttered before she disappeared. Carefully, I sat up and looked around. I found myself in a huge hall that looked like the Titanic's dining room, but not quite as magnificent. There were shelves everywhere and people rushed. There was a muted murmur, and yet an uncanny heaviness lay over the room. I remained motionless on the edge of the bed. I only perceived from the corner of my eye that a person was rushing towards me with rapid steps. Only when she stood right in front of me did I look up. In front of me was Harold Lowe. Slowly he leaned down towards me and pulled me towards him. We were sitting there for an eternity. "I was so afraid of losing you", he breathed to my ear. I didn't know what to say. I felt empty and exhausted. "Can we go to the deck?" I asked. He pushed me away from him and examined me. "Of course. " He helped me up and we winded our way outside past the bunkers. On the deck, I soaked in the fresh air. "Are you all right?" Harold looked at me inquiringly from the side. My gaze was fixed straight, I felt nothing but emptiness, no emotions just nothing.  "Is Grandpa here too?" I asked in a low voice. My mind told me that it was very unlikely that he had survived but I didn't want to give up hope. Not yet, I wasn't ready to let go.  Harold put an arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. "Please tell me", I begged. He shook his head silently. A tear rolled down my cheek and the floor seemed to give way under my feet. "Maybe they'll find him", I whispered in a trembling voice."You'll find him. Maybe he's in another lifeboat that arrives later or he's already here somewhere on the ship or...." "Look at me!" Harold interrupted me.  I dodged his gaze, I couldn't bear the truth. My whole body was shaking and it was as if the world was standing still. He took my face in his hands and turned it to himself. "Listen to me. He wouldn't have wanted you to give up, and you promised. Eventually, the pain will subside, but Edda. Please never stop fighting, he wouldn't have wanted that. " I looked into his chocolate-brown eyes, which radiated nothing but love. "Please go now", I whispered in a tearful voice, He gave me a worried look before he gently withdrew. I felt heavy and exhausted. I sat down in a corner on the deck. I leaned my back against the hard wall and sat motionless on the cold wooden floor. The sky had darkened and it began to pour. Quickly, my dress was completely wet and stuck disgustingly to my body. Tears streamed down my face and before my eyes everything blurred into a mud-grey mass. I couldn't think straight. My heart felt like it was being torn into 1,000 pieces. I buried my head in my arms. How am I supposed to go on? I heard footsteps coming closer and squeezed myself closer into the niche. My body was shaken by fierce sobs and goose bumps had formed on my arms. The rain was rattling down on me more and more. The steps moved away. Now I was the only person on deck. Slowly I got up. My feet were leady and I had to be careful not to slip on the wet ground. I knew if I lay down, I wouldn't be able to get up. I cast a longing glimpse of the sea. The white spray foamed wild and the waves were as high as skyscrapers. Somewhere down there he was lying now. At that thought, everything in my chest contracted. Maybe I should just jump. I shivered. An icy wind cut into my dripping wet clothes as I slowly approached the railing. My hands covered the smooth metal. Determinedly, I brushed two strands of hair out of my face. I had a final conclusion.