Double Trouble (A Loki /Tom Hiddleston Fanfic)

Its not You... its me....

Carrie looked at Tom in wonder.  How could he possibly be this understanding? She had just told him she had kissed another man deliberately and yet he was calm, kind and loving.  She didn't deserve him. She owed it to him to be truthful but not unduly mean, so she tried to be kind.

"I'm so sorry Tom, really I am, I just was  - I felt - lonely and tired and I know that's not an excuse, but you have no idea how mixed up I feel just about all the time at the moment.  As he - you - stood there it just made sense.  We have been so on edge and he was just a calm oasis in this vast sea of waking nightmares.   He's you and yet he's not.  I just cant put it into words, I'm sorry I'm not making any sense."   She stopped and looked at him and he wasn't angry, he was sad.

"No Carrie, I drove you into his arms.  You needed love and affection and attention and I gave you too little of any. I took you for granted and I abused your love. I don't blame you for any of this and I don't blame Loki either.  This has been nothing any of us were really prepared for." he turned away, unable to look at her.  He knew in his heart she was trying not to hurt him, but there was no way back from the path they were headed down. 

"I'm sure he doesn't feel the same way Tom.  He flirts and he teases because he can but he has never once made a 'real' move on me.  I promise you." she hoped she sounded more convincing that she felt.

"Not even that first day?  You're surely not saying that was all you?" he tried to sound calm but couldn't keep an edge from his tone.  An edge that had never been there before.

"It was just flirting Tom, he was teasing me in every sense of the word. I was shocked and confused and... I do love you." her eyes pleaded with him and he knew she was telling the truth. He sighed and took her hands in his.

"Sweetheart, I know you wont want to hear this , but I'm leaving you to go back." she looked at him, eyes filling with tears "shhhh darling" he pulled her to him, her head tucked under his chin and she cried into his chest. "I have to.  I'm just starting to get myself together, get my head straight.  If I come back now, I will only pull us down again, I can see that now.  I have so much to process and be thankful for.  You and Loki must continue with the plan.  For there to be any kind of future to look forward to."  he kissed the top of her head then held her, looking out into the night. He could see his reflection in the window.  She looked so small and beautiful in his arms. He loved her so much but he needed to be sure he was strong enough to cope with what he knew would be the aftermath.  He knew in his heart she loved Loki.  He knew he had to speak to the one person who would tell him what he needed to know. Give him hope.  Hope was all he had.

Gently he said, "I will leave in the morning. But tonight is ours darling, ours to share." she looked up at him, by share, she knew what he was asking. Part of her wanted to say no, not because she didn't love him or want him, but because she was scared and confused.  Her head and her heart were at war and she didn't know who was winning.  Her heart wanted Loki but her head wanted Tom.  Or was it the other way round?  She really had no idea.  She craved Loki's touch but she also wanted to pretend none of it had happened and she and Tom could go back to the way things were.  The way things were.  That had been the problem in the first place.  No, don't go back there she thought, start again with a clean slate. She took his hand and without a word, led him to the door.  Stopping she looked up at him, as surprised as the very first day she met him, how impossibly handsome he really was. How could she have forgotten.

With a soft smile she opened the door and led him through the house to the bedroom. He followed, his heart pounding almost as much as hers.  For some reason it was almost like they were doing this for the first time. Tom felt almost shy as she made him sit on the bed, undressing slowly in front of him, her eyes never leaving his.  He swallowed hard as she removed the last of her clothing and stood in front of him.  He looked her up and down, trying to decide which part to kiss first.  Rational thought was beginning to leave him. She stood between his knees, her breasts at his face.  Instinctively, he nuzzled her. She shivered and threw her head back, any reservations she might have had flying out the window. After a few minutes of attending to her, he pulled off his shirt and jeans.  Pulling her down onto the bed, he slowly started to run his hands gently over her body and she arched and writhed at his touch.  This was the Tom she remembered and longed for, as she fell over the edge into oblivion she called his name and he whispered in her ear, his breath on her neck warm and inviting,

"I am here my darling, let me love you." a moan of pleasure rose in her throat and was swallowed as his mouth found hers.

He loved her all night and into the grey dawn.  She was sleeping when he kissed her and murmured to her "Goodbye my love, the man who comes back to you will be the one you have deserved all along. The man who comes back will be your husband as it should have been long ago." he stroked her cheek, kissed her lips softly and with a shattering intake of breath, left.  

Carrie woke just in time to see a flash of light in the dawn and she knew he was gone.  She lay back on the pillows, unsure how to feel.  She had just spent the most sensual and amazing night with the man who had just promised to marry her, as she had always thought she wanted, but now somehow there was something missing. She felt that overwhelming guilt flood back as she realised the missing piece was Loki.   Even now, Tom's kiss still a memory on her lips, she wanted him.  Hell she wanted him touching her.  Loving her. She closed her eyes and his face, his green eyes and raven hair danced before her, teasing, taunting, arousing. Her eyes flew open and a moan left her lips as she felt her body respond on the most basic of levels.  Ashamed now at her own blatant desire, she turned and buried her face in the pillows, crying herself back into a fitful sleep.

Later that day, Loki came home and she was still curled up in bed, now sleeping more soundly cocooned in the quilt, a gentle but sad smile on her face.  He could see she had been crying and his heart sank. Either he or Tom had made her unhappy again and he knew she would never admit to which.  This wasn't supposed to be easy, but neither was is supposed to be torture. What he didn't know, was this time that he truly was to blame and it wouldn't be long until she was forced into telling him so. For now though, he simply closed the bedroom door and left her in peace.  There was nothing he could do or say that wouldn't make it worse.  He wanted to rush in and tell her everything his mother had told him, but he knew that it wasn't the right time.  He would tell her when the time was right.  Time.  If only he had more of it.

He went in search of Tom, they had to talk.  He had to persuade him to stay.  He opened the living room door, nothing. He went into the kitchen, not there either. It wasn't until he went into the study and looked out into the garden he saw the new black tell tale mark on the grass. SHIT.

In Asgard, Heimdal welcomed Tom back with a smile "The Queen is expecting you" he said warmly, "We saw you coming" and Tom smiled back.

"Somehow I knew you might say that, I have a lot I wish to discuss with her. And friends I could not leave without saying goodbye." he commented, walking towards the bridge to the palace.  

"If you wait a moment, " Heimdal continued "There will be a better alternative to walking arriving shortly" As Tom stood, a couple of figures on horseback appeared and he could make out the outline of a third horse.  It was Sif and Thor.

"Welcome back Thomas" said Sif as she reached him first "It's good to see you... are in one piece." she added hastily and got off the horse hugging him tightly. The feeling of her arms around him and her perfume threw him off balance both mentally and physically. He was definitely taken aback by this open display, given her cool demeanour the last time. He suddenly realised it was because he was alone.   Carrie had been there the last time, an obvious thorn in her side.  He did feel just a little guilty about hugging Sif, but then he mentally shrugged his shoulders.  Why shouldn't they hug?  She was just a friend.  Wasn't she?  He was about to launch into another worried cross examination of his feelings when Thor broke into his silent contemplation

"THOMAS!" he boomed "Good to see you again, Loki had said you would not return?" Tom looked puzzled as he continued "nevertheless,  I am glad that he was wrong." he slapped him on the back, and Tom just about fell off his horse with the force. Sif giggled behind her hand and Tom blushed.  He felt compelled to explain and still laughing, he replied "Loki may be a God, but he's wrong about more than he knows.  Fortunately, I believe that your Mother is more perceptive.  I have come back to see her - as well as my friends" he looked at them both, his eyes locking with Sif who held his gaze for just a second longer than perhaps necessary.  

They smiled and Thor looked at them both curiously, then slapped the reins onto his horse's neck, breaking the moment with a roar of laughter.

"Last one to the palace buys the ale!" he yelled as he sped off.  As Tom and Sif gave chase, he thought to himself that as hideaways went, Asgard might not be too bad a choice of places to stay.