JOKES ON YOU (Five Hargreeeves FanFiction)

2.8 The Seven Stages

THIRD PERSON POV

   "That was unnecessary back there" Luther said entering where Five is. "You can't take you- Wait what are you doing?" He asked seeing Five put powder on him. "What's with the baby powder?"

   "It'll help with the itching."

   "What itching? There's itching? What the hell is going on here? You do have a plan."

   "Well, it's a desperation move, but... since our brain-dead siblings are incapable of meeting a simple deadline, I got no choice."

   "No choice about what?"

   "I have to find myself."

   "I just arrived in Dallas 15 minutes ago with Y/n"

   "Should I be worried about you?"

   "Luther, if you recall, we were sent to 1963 on a job by the Commission to make sure the president was assassinated."

   "Oh! So, wait, you're old self is out there."

   "Precisely."

   "What, just walking around Dallas?"

   "Walking around Dallas with a briefcase that can get us home."

   "Oh, my God. Five, you're a genius. I'll get Y/n"

   "However, there are two significant problems with this plan. Problem number one: I am a trained assassin, arguably the most dangerous assassin in the space-time continuum. If I know me, I'm not going to react kindly to bumping into myself. Problem number two, and this is the real fly in the ointment here you're not supposed to exist in close proximity to yourself in the same timeline. The side effects can be disastrous."

   "Side effects? What sort of side effects?"

   "Well, according to Commission Handbook Chapter 27, subsection 3b, the seven stages in paradox psychosis are... stage one: denial, two: itching, three: extreme thirst and urination, four: excessive gas, five: acute paranoia, six: uncontrolled perspiration, and seven: homicidal rage."

   "Homicidal rage?"

   " Yeah."

   "Jeez, I don't know. This maybe isn't such a good idea."

   "It's a Hail Mary. But what choice do we got, Luther?"

   "I don't know, you already seem a bit squirrelly if I'm being honest."

   "Look, Luther, I'm gonna need you to help me get through this one, all right? I... I need a spotter."

   "A spotter? What is that? Like, a wingman?"

   "In case the paradox psychosis gets too severe, I need you to help me stay on task, all right? So, whatever happens, whatever I say, we need to get that briefcase. Okay?"

   "What about Y/n?" 

   "Her other self will also be there. She's more unpredictable with paradox psychosis."

   "But you should go talk to her, she let out a tear or two back there"

   "I'll do that later. Okay?"

   "Okay" Luther agreed. Before they walk out, Five suddenly teleported in front of him pointing a finger threateningly.

   "And don't look at her other self with googly eyes" He sneered and put down his finger, "She had the old-but-look-young genes"

---

Y/N'S POV

   With me being overwhelmed. I walked around the city, accepting the fact that if the world end, so be it. But I also still want to spend with Five, so whatever.

   How dare he call me useless when all I'm doing is help him stop the apocalypse. I set aside my feeling of hopelessness and just accept the apocalypse. I am tired with his know-it-all attitude. But then again, he won't care about the apocalypse, he just want his family to be safe and he was already stressed so I can't blame him with his outburst.

   I felt a burst of energy and entered a building turning my intangibility on, floating through the ceilings. I saw Klaus, Allison, Diego taking cover behind the table. I looked forward and saw Vanya, out of control. I approached them with ease.

   "What the hell" I said turning off my invisibility.

   "Oh shit" Klaus said, scared of seeing me suddenly.

   "Y/n" Allison mumbled.

   "Question, guys. Who are we trying to save Vanya from?" Klaus asked.

   "FBI" Diego and Allison both said as I gave a look of understanding.

   "But if they're all sucking ceiling right now, why hasn't she stopped?" Klaus asked again. We all look at each other in total confusion.