JOKES ON YOU (Five Hargreeeves FanFiction)

1.6 The Day That Wasn't

Y/N POV

All of the siblings and me except Five and Vanya was in the Bar section of the Umbrella Academy having a meeting which I feel bad 'cause Vanya is also family.

"Why is Vanya not here?" I asked only to get ignored.

"Hey" Vanya appeared with an ugly ass man. We all turned to her. "What's going on?"

"It's a family matter" Allison said dumbfoundedly.

"Nice one Allison" I said sarcastically clapping.

"So you couldn't bother to include me."

"No, it's not like that. We were-" Luther tried to reason.

"Don't let me interrupt" Vanya interjected walking away.

"Wait." Allison said approaching her while I walked up to the man trying to be intimidating but with my age and size, I don't think that works well.

"Who're you?" I asked squinting my eyes.

"Leonard ma'am" He said not even scared.

"What are you to Vanya?" I said, grabbing a chair and stood on it, face-to-face with him. "Did you two fucked? Who the hell gave you permission to fuck her?" I said not even letting him speak, only hearing stutters from him. "I know what you're planning Leonarrd" I started having a sing-song voice trying to play with him but in my head, I don't. "Whatever you're doing in that donkey ass brain of yours, drop it. You hurt Vanya, I'll kill you myself" I sneered pointing a finger at his face.

Vanya walked out grabbing Leonard with a blank look prominent in his eyes while I just smirked and did a 'bye-bye' hand movement. I walked to the bar and sat at the table near Klaus.

"I'm gonna go find Vanya and explain." Allison said only to be stopped y Luther.

"No, wait, there isn't time. We need to figure out what causes the apocalypse." He stated. "Now, there are loads of possibilities. Nuclear war, asteroids. But I'm thinking this is about the Moon. Right?" he said while I rolled my eyes. "Dad must have sent me up there for a reason. And I was giving him daily updates on the conditions, I sent field samples. The first thing we need to do is find his research."

"Knowing your beat up Father, that files won't be open. I'll pay you 20 bucks if I'm wrong" I smirked.

"Hold on. Hold the phone" Klaus interrupted. "We all died fighting this thing the first time around. Remember?"

"Klaus, shockingly, has a point." Diego said. "What gives us a win this time?"

"Five. Last time we didn't have him." Luther answered.

I looked at Klaus and saw him about to vomit while I rub his back. "Five is not here, bodybuilder." I said rolling my eyes.

"So, where's Five now?" Allison asked as they look at me.

"In the Commission doing stuff" I said swinging my feet.

"What kind of stuff" Diego asked.

"Just stuff. Don't ask me again, I'll rip your mouth off." I said annoyance prominent in my voice

"Let's see you try" Diego said grabbing his daggers out.

"How can you do that when you can't even use your other hand to jerk off" I teased. He tossed his dagger at me only for me to catch it. "You have a long way to go, Dora's cousin" I laughed while Klaus and I high fived.

"Y/n shut up" Luther said pointing his finger at me while I just mimicked a zipper being zipped. "Well, he had a plan to change the time line. He'll be back soon."

"I'm going after Hazel and Cha Cha" Diego stated grabbing his dagger from me.

"Wait, right now?" Luther asked.

"Hell, yeah. 3 days. I'm losing light by the minute." He said as the 2 of them started to argue again. Klaus stood up and walked away.

"Klaus? Klaus!" Luther said.

"Yeah! sorry."

"So, what? You're giving up the world, too?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Mm-hmm"

"So that's it. You're cool with us all dying in 3 days?" Luther said but got ignored by Klaus "I can't believe it"

"How is this unison? united? togetherness?" I asked jumping of the bar. "I wouldn't believe it if y'all say that is family" I chuckled.

"You too, Y/n?"

"Sorry, won't follow orders if it's not Five" I stated walking up to Five's room. I locked the door and unfolded the paper.

I'll come for you Dolores. ;)

This fucking asshole still teasing me.

I glared at Dolores. I grabbed a lighter from my jacket and burned the paper. Any minute or hours now and Five will be here but I won't care and I don't care 'cause sleep is important. End of the world is still end of the world unless Five is here cause that big oaf that calls himself numero uno (Number one) is not standing as a leader to me.

---

All of the siblings and me except Five and Vanya was in the Bar section of the Umbrella Academy having a meeting which I feel bad 'cause Vanya is also family.

"Hold on. Hold the phone" Klaus interrupted. "We all died fighting this thing the first time around. Remember?"

"Klaus, shockingly, has a point." Diego said. "What gives us a win this time?"

Before anyone can answer, Five suddenly appeared all roughed up on the bar. his feet on my legs and he rolled away causing him to fall. I hurried up my feet and help him up. "I'm okay, Don't worry." He reassured me.

"You guys, am I still high or do you see him, too" Klaus asked confused.

"Five where have you been?" Luther asked. "Who did this?"

"Irrelevant" Five answered stealing Allison's coffee. "So, the apocalypse is in 3 days. The only chance we have to save the world is, well, us." He sneered.

"The Umbrella Academy" Luther sated.

"The umbrella academy" I mimicked. "Of course, who do you want? Avengers? Ghost Busters?" I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, but with me, obviously. So, if y'all don't get your sideshow acts together and get over yourselves, we're screwed.." Five stated. "Who cares if Dad messed us up? Are we gonna let that define us? No. And to give us a fighting chance to see next week, I've come back with a lead." He said showing us a paper. "I know who's responsible for the apocalypse. This is who we have to stop."

Allison grabbed the paper and rea it "Harold Jenkins?"

"Who the hell is Harold Jenkins?" Diego asked.