Cupid's Chokehold (Golden Guard/Hunter x GN reader) BOOK ONE | RE-EDITED

~Happiness comes when everything numbs~

Now playing: Freeze your brain from Heathers

You had always been a hopeless romantic. You listened to the Speak Now and Lover albums religiously, you loved staying up until 3 AM reading fan fictions, you doodled hearts on your papers when you went to Hexside. You liked to pick flowers and just stare at them. Because it was apart of the pretty things you liked to imagine would make your heart flutter when you fell in love. 

But as hard as you'd tried, love doesn't come when you want it to. It had to come naturally. Unfortunately, you're very impatient. All the cute people you'd hoped to become infatuated with ended up your friends, who you'd never want to date. Or they'd stayed hallway crushes, or gender envy.

That's why you were 100% sure this was one of those times when you convinced yourself to develop a crush based on your first opinion of someone.

Besides, Hunter did give you a bit of gender envy.

"You need to stop picking flowers, what are you even gonna do with them?" Hunter asks as you stop to pick a nice pale pink flower at the edge of the meadow.

"Uh-" You pause, taking the large handful of flowers you held and drawing a spell circle, making them grow back into the grass. "There."

"What was the point?" His question is met only by a shrug from you. "You've been really quiet this morning." He points out as he steps into the trees.

"Yeah, so? Don't you prefer it that way?" You say in response. You'd really just been trying to get that stupid dream out of your head.

"Well, it feels weird. I don't know." He admitted calmly. 

"Maybe you've been really quiet this morning." You joke. "Ever think about that?"

"Pft- weirdo." Hunter rolls his eyes, but you can tell he likes when you act more yourself.

"A weirdo you loooooove~" You coo. The stupid dream. "Platonically." You hold your hands out in the way he always does. 

"Oh Titan please shut them up." He mutters just loud enough for you to hear.

"Oh, dearest Titan, please make Hunter stop being a pain in the ass." You mock him.

"Oh Titan please spontaneously teleport me to the castle."

"Oh Titan please allow me to shove Hunter off a cliff without the everlasting oath being broken." You laugh, and he shoves your arm.

"You're exhausting, L/N." Hunter mutters.

"Right back at ya coven boy." You smile, pointing finger guns at him. He just inaudibly laughs and looks away. 

"How much longer until we'll get back to the castle?" He asks suddenly, shaking you back into reality. Out of the thoughts that he likes your company.

"Oh, um.." You draw a spell circle so that the map floats in front of you. "Well.. we're here.. and.." 

"And?"

"Like.. four days, or so." You mutter, your words trailing away as you realize you don't really want this trip to end. 

"Oh." He seems a bit surprised. "Good."

"Good as in..?" 

"Good as in... I'll be home soon. And you will too!" He answers.

"Right, yeah." You agree halfheartedly. "Home."

"Do you even.. have anywhere to go home to?" He asks suddenly, surprising you a bit. "I'msosorrythatwasprobablyinsensitiveIshould'vejustle-"

"Yeah, I do." You nod. "But I'm not gonna tell you where so you can arrest me, 'Golden Guard'."

"Alright, alright." He holds his hands in the air. "Understandable."

"That's a big word." You say without a thought process behind it. Just the first words that spill out of your mouth.

"Understandable?" He responds, starting to laugh. You laugh lightly at yourself for a second, nodding.

"Yeah." 

"Understandable is a big word for your little brain?" He laughs. "Do you not understand?"

"No, no I know what it means!" You say defensively. "It just has a lot of letters." 

"You know what else has a lot of letters?"

"Hm?"

"Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis." He nods, as if he didn't just keysmash in real life. You stare at him for a second as his smile widens.

"What. The. Fuck?" You watch him start laughing a bit. 

"It's a lung disease." He shrugs. "Longest word in human english."

"What's the longest word in Boiling Isles english?" You pause. "Actually wait I don't think I wanna know.

"You don't." He cringes. "It has a lot of swears."

"Huh?"

"Just kidding! It's shorter. We don't technically have  pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis here." He explains.

"You have got to stop saying that like it's nothing." You sigh, shaking your head.

"Wanna learn how?" He winks, making your face go red. 

"Not really!" You laugh. "I'm not a nerd, sorry."

"What? I'm not a nerd!" He protests. 

"Ehhh.." You do the so-so hand thingy. 

"Oh shut up! At least I'm not a wild witch."

"Those are two very different topics!" You state. "Why'd you join the emperor's coven anyways? The kidnappy guy said you were Belos' nephew?"

"Well, yeah. And I'm powerless." He shrugs. "When I become the Golden Guard I'll get an artificial staff. I'll be able to do magic. The coven took me in when I had no future in a world relying off the one thing I don't have." 

"Oh.. I guess that makes sense." You kick the dirt and pine needles as you walk. "But do you really need to go around arresting innocent people just to have a future? Just because you can't do magic the way other witches do doesn't mean you're worthless. I mean- there's always potions-"

"We arrest criminals. Not innocent citizens." He contended, interrupting you.

"You're gonna arrest me." You shrug. "Just saying, I think you're worth more than that dumb coven can offer. And you're annoying, so that's saying a lot."

"But you're a criminal. Of course you'd want me to join your criminal ways." He pauses, lost in thought. "But do you mean it?" He looks back at you and you nod. 

"Honest."

 "Witches like you aren't known for their honesty." He laughs.

"Oh and I lie all the time!" You sorta joke. "Lied to my parents on a daily basis when I still lived with them. But.. I don't know. You're hard to lie to, Blondie."

"Oh yeah? Can't resist my undeniable charm?" He jokes, winking at you again. You look back at the ground, feeling your face heat up. 

"You- No! ShUt up Blondie!" Your voice cracks embarrassingly. 

"Do you like me, Y/N?" He cooes jokingly. 

"No! Lower that ego of yours." You shove his arm playfully, knowing your face is visibly red. 

"Okay, okayyy." 

"Hunter?"

"Hm?" 

"You're exhausting."

"Thanks, you too."