Left Alone To Cry.

Chapter 13: Here for you

NIALL'S POV

I think I did a mistake. A big mistake. Since I tweeted, everything blows up. Relieved fans, moments of ecstasy, tears, eyes brighter, heads higher, glows of hope...  

I'm reading fan's tweets since this morning. I didn't get up once, I've been sitting in front of my laptop all day. 

It was like drug. It only took that one bit to make me fall into it.

The sun is disappearing into the landscape but I keep reading my mentions. They put sunshine in my heart. 

I'm starting to realize how much I'm loved out there. It's important to keep fighting, because all of these people are counting on me. They love me unconditionally and I love them too, I have to pierce my darkness and find the sunbeam that'll guide me.

They're giving it to me. They're showing me the way.

But it seems like I'm stuck to the ground. By everything. 

I'm feeding myself with their sweet comments, everyone's buzzing and it makes me feel loved.

But that's the thing that keeps me stuck on the ground. I have to go on. But I'm scared. I'm scared I'll fail.

I always have to stop my fingers from typing on the keyboard, I can't reply. The first round is over, I'm up to the second now. But Twitter is not the second round.

But I think it's not only the fans that keep me so tuned on Twitter  right now.

I'm searching for some love from my friends... the boys.

They didn't tweet me. They didn't see I tweeted. And that's the main reason I tweeted; for them to see it.

And now I'm losing hope. I've been on all day just to see if they'd reply to me...

But no. I think I'm a lost cause...

I quickly wipe away the tears on my cheek. I bite my bottom lip. 

"If I could have only one wish... it'd be to feel all of you around me." I whisper, as the tears fall from my eyes.

Maybe they forgot about me? Maybe I'm not that important to their eyes after all. Maybe I'm trying to come back for nothing? Maybe I was just a "beard" like everyone says...

My feelings are twisted. One second I want to smile and the other I want to rip my lungs off. 

"I'm going insane..."

I laugh to myself. There's nothing amusing in that laugh. Despair is all it transmits. I can feel my loneliness pinch my skin like a million needles, finding their way to my bones and making me shiver.

My fist hits hard against the table as I let out a chocked sob.