TejRan : If Only I Could Say

Part-20

Disclaimer : All the characters written below are imaginary and a work of pure fiction. There is no resemblance to any incident or situation and is written as work of fiction.

NOTE : To understand this chapter well , I would recommend you to go through two voot short videos titled 'Karan's Take on Reincarnation' and 'Karan's favourite books'.

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He sighed and sat down on the floor in front of her.

"What is it Teja?is it my past?" He asked softly.

She shook her head.

"What is it then?" He asked softly and moved closer to her. He gently held her hand that was hugging her knees.

"Past present and future...." She whispered.

"I didn't get you...." He shook his head slightly and moved closer to her and squeezed her palm.

"I read those books...." She whispered barely audible but he had heard her.

"What books?" He frowned in confusion.

"The ones about which you told me and Nishant in the BB house...." She looked into his eyes finally.

He sighed. He was not understanding anything. But he knew he cannot lose his patience. He had to be calm because he needed to know everything. And the only way to get her to speak was to be calm and patient.

"Laddoo...." He said softly and brushed her hair away from her face and tucked those behind her ear. "Kaunsa book?i don't remember may be...."

"Many lives many masters....only love is real...." She said as fresh tears ran down her cheeks.

He closed his eyes. Shit. Now it all makes sense. If not all , a little bit of it makes sense.

"Laddoo those are just books...." Before he could complete what he was saying , she had cut him off.

"I downloaded the app and heard the session as well...."

"And?" He asked immediately. Suddenly he felt scared.

"I know my issue now Karan....i am scared to lose my soulmate...." She said looking at him.

"Why would you lose him?lose me?" He asked softly.

"I don't know....i just know i won't be able to take it if i lose him...." She said immediately. "Lose you...." She added in a whisper. "You told me about your issue as well Karan....after a point of time you start doing weird things in your relationship....that stems from what you have felt in your past life right?you remember you told me and nishant that after hearing the session in the app you....you understood it is your problem....the unsolved....the unsolved issue...." She was getting hyper and was fumbling with her words.

"Shhh....shh...." He held her shoulder immediately. "Teja calm down....i know....i remember everything....but i also told you something else do you remember that?" He moved closer and cupped her cheeks.

She looked at him blankly.

"That you take every birth to solve your issues....and to solve your issues you need to accept that you have the problem....if we don't solve our issues even this birth will go into waste Teja....for each things we solve about yourselves we go higher up in the realms....you cannot be selective about what i told you....i told you about both the problem and the solution...." He said softly.

"You are not understanding....we both have figured our problems out Karan...." She said with her choked voice.

"That is better for us....now we know what we are dealing with....now that we both know about how we can screw things up , we will be even more careful and we will be there for each other...." He caressed her cheeks and she shook her head.

"I won't be able to take if this goes wrong....i swear i can't....sochke hi mujhe...." She gulped. "In the show i thought i just didn't want anything on camera....i was scared....i have never been with an actor but i started to...." She stopped. "What i started to feel was scary....i had never felt this way....i knew it was way deeper....way complicated than anything i had ever experienced....and that scares me....i know i won't be able to take if it goes wrong so it is better to just let it be...."

"You don't make any sense Teja....just because you are scared which i understand is your problem....but without solving it you think it is better to let it be?" He said calmly although he was losing it from within.

"You are not understanding...." Before she could complete he cut her off.

"Yes i am not understanding because you don't make sense...." His impatience was clear in his voice and he found her expression change.

Calm down Karan. You need to be patient. Or else she would get even more defensive.

"Teja....do you trust me?" He asked softly.

She didn't say anything.

"You don't right?" He asked softly. "If you don't you can tell me i won't mind...."

"It is not that i don't trust you....i just don't trust both our sub conscious Karan....we are both messed up and we both know it...."

"Don't go that deep....do you trust me with the fact that if i am there with you , you will not have to face anything?" He asked looking into her eyes.

She nodded immediately. Without thinking. Because she knew it and believed it.

"Then trust me with this Teja....we both will heal each other....we both will help each other in making sure we wouldn't waste our lives....the moment we will feel the other person is screwing up we would hold the person tightly so that we don't fall into the fissure...." He said softly.

She shook her head and he closed his eyes.

"You don't want this?are you sure?is this your final decision Teja?soch samajh ke bol jo bhi bolegi...." He warned her.

She nodded.

"This is my final decision...." She said firmly. "I don't want this...."

"Okay...." That was what he could manage to say.

He got up and went near the balcony and ran his fingers through his hair. He had screwed it up for himself. Had he not spoken about the books and the videos , she wouldn't have done all those and they could have been happy together.

She looked at him stand at the door of the balcony pulling his hair. She was the one who had rejected him. She was the one who had told him clearly that she didn't want this.

"Are you giving up on me?" She asked slowly , her voice sounded like that of a helpless child.

Ab sabhi unn khwaabon ki tu dagar chhod de....
Ab sabhi unn khwaabon ko tu khud hi tod de....