200 Multifandom One Shots

Ghost of a life past - GoT - Benjen Stark x Reader

It was getting to the darkest hour of the night. An hour when most souls would be at rest. Even all the members of the Nights Watch that were not on duty, were wrapped up snuggly in their bunks. All that was. except for Benjen Stark.

Recently the First Ranger of the Nights Watch had barely slept. Images of a life long past filling not only his waking thoughts, but also his dreams. A life that he had tried to forget. A life that he wished he could have back.

So many years before, Benjen had attended the tourney at Harrenhal with his older brothers, Brandon and Eddard, and his sister Lyanna. The young Stark present at a feast to celebrate the beginning of the tourney, where he had heard a black brother from the Night's Watch speak up, attempting to convince the gathered people to join the black brothers. A plea that the young Benjen had taken to heart. But it had not been until after Robert's Rebellion that the youngest Stark male had finally made his way to the Wall. Taking his vows in front of a heart tree, within the haunted forest north of the Wall.

Benjen had never told his brother why he had chosen to join the Nights Watch at that time. Eddard putting it down to something that his youngest sibling may have witnessed or done during the war. Something that he wanted to escape and forget. Though the lord of the north had never pushed the point. Believing that if his brother ever felt the need to confide in him, then he would.

In part, Eddard's supposition was correct. Benjen had gone to the Wall, taken the oath so that he could try and forget. Try and escape. Journeyed to Castle Black so that he would never be expected to marry. For when he lost her, he knew that he could never love again.

(Y/n) was a simple servant at Winterfell. Probably not even noticed by most of the family. Yet he had noticed her. And from the first moment Benjen had laid eyes on her, he had fallen in love.

Most of the time the pair would meet in secret. Benjen fearing that his family would never accept the match. The young Stark terrified that if his father was to find out that his child and a simple servant were lovers, then the Lord Paramount of the north may banish (Y/n), and he would never see her again. And that was something that Benjen could not allow.

(Y/n) had been everything to Benjen. She was the sweetest, gentlest and most loving soul that he had ever met. She was beautiful beyond words. Kind to a fault. And she loved him as much as he loved her. Both of them swearing an oath to the other, that they would love and be together for the rest of their lives. Yet Benjen would make a mistake one night. A mistake that would change his whole life. A mistake that would destroy his heart and send him to the Wall.

One night not long into Robert's Rebellion, Benjen had been taking a momentary chance to forget the war. Joining some of the other men in Winterfell by drowning his sorrows in copious amounts of wine. He had never intended it to happen. He had never wanted it to happen. Yet he had found himself in the bed of another woman. Benjen only coming to his senses, when the dark room was flooded with the blazing light of a torch as the door had been thrown open. The wolf's eyes growing wide, as he saw the haunting look of disgusted betrayal on (Y/n)'s face. A look that he had never and would never forget.

Benjen had grabbed for his clothes, running through the halls of the great castle, as he chased after his fleeing sobbing lover. The light of the torch his only guide, as the moon seemed to disappear from the night sky. He wanted to catch up with (Y/n). Wanted to apologise for what he had done. To try and explain, despite the fact that he knew that no explanation was good enough. That no reason was good enough for him to have done what he had done. To have betrayed the woman that he had sworn to love until the end of his days. To ask for forgiveness.

Suddenly the light had stopped moving. Benjen finally realising that he had followed (Y/n) onto the highest roof of Winterfell. And even though the freezing wind of the north whistled around the pair, Benjen didn't notice as it cut him to the bone. His every though, feeling and sense filled with what he was seeing. The young lord unable to move as (Y/n) climbed up between the turrets of the high tower.

"I love you, Benjen. And if I cannot be with you. If you no longer care for me as you claimed to do. If you love another. Then there is no reason for me to continue to live. No reason for me to want to live. But ." (Y/n) had shouted above the storm that seemed to have come from nowhere. Benjen watching, unable to move as his true love had thrown herself from the tower.

He couldn't remember anything from that moment. He was sure that he had screamed. Sure, that he had cursed the gods. Cursed himself, as the wind and rain had lashed at his skin. The heavens appearing to be punishing him for his deceit. And until Eddard returned north after that war, Benjen had existed in a limbo. In a world between life and death. Doing what he needed to, to protect Winterfell. But within months of his brother's return, Benjen had decided that the only way to escape the ghost of (Y/n), was to journey to the Wall. To take the oath. And try and make up for what he had done, by protecting the Seven Kingdom's northern borders.

"You are still punishing yourself." A faint voice noted. Benjen looking up to see and apparition of (Y/n). An apparition that he had been seeing more and more. Her ghostly figure walking the corridors of Castle Black. Watching with the black brothers, the world beyond the Wall. But this was the first time that she had confronted him. The first time that she had spoken.

"It was because of me that you died, (Y/n). If I had not done what I had done, then you would still be alive. Still be with me. We would be happy. How can you not expect me to blame myself?" Benjen asked, as he watched the spirit take a seat in the chair across from him. A soft sad smile pulling at her lips as she looked at him.

"It was a long time ago, my love. I have forgiven you. I forgave you a long time ago. And it is time that you forgave yourself." (Y/n) told him. Benjen staring down into the goblet in his hand. Doing his best to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"I miss you, (Y/n). I would give anything to have you back. To make up for what I did. To touch you just one last time." Benjen sniffed. His head flying up as he suddenly felt something cold on his cheek. His heart pounding violently in his chest as he realised that (Y/n) was in front of him. The wispy mist that made up her hand, settled gently on his face.

"I miss you as well, my wolf. And I would give everything to roll back time and change what happened that night. But we both know that that is impossible. You need to forgive yourself, Benjen. You must do what needs to be done. You must protect your nephew, Jon. Save him from the winter that is to come. And then, when your time has come, we will be together again. And we will be able to make up for all the years we have lost." (Y/n) told him. Benjen staring wide eyed at the spirit of his lover. Not sure how she could know about Eddard's son. But knowing that if watching over Jon meant that he could be with (Y/n) once again. Then that was just what he would do.

"I must take my leave now, my love. I will not see you again until you pass to the next world. But know that I will always be watching over you." (Y/n) continued as she began to slowly move away. Benjen trying to grip onto her hand but finding nothing but air.

"(Y/n)!" Benjen exclaimed as he jumped to his feet. Hoping that he could persuade his love to stay just a little longer.

"Just watch over Jon. And when your time comes, I will be waiting for you. And always remember one thing. I will always love you." (Y/n) almost whispered. Benjen's heart breaking again as he watched his loves form vanish into nothingness.

Quietly, Benjen staggered back across the room. Dropping himself back into his chair and picking up his glass. The First Ranger knowing that if it meant that he would get to spend the rest of eternity with (Y/n), then he would protect Jon with his very life.