Ryder is finally cleared to go back to hockey which means it is time to pack up and move to New York. Francesca is thrilled about living with Ryder for the summer and has already made a ton of plans for them. Both want nothing more than a perfect su...
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"You look handsome," Francesca tells me while fixing my shirt then licking her thumb and messing with my eyebrow. I pull away from her spit-covered finger and grab her hands so she stops fussing with me. "I sometimes forget how good you look in a suit."
"Thank you babe." I know she is trying to calm my nerves by feeding my ego, but nothing can calm me down right now. I know this isn't a big deal, Lou said the day he handed me the contract it would be open whether I signed this summer or next, but yet still I am scared. I loved my summer here more than I can properly explain and only 95% of that has to do with Francesca.
"Are you sure you don't want me to come in Ry?"
"No, I can do this," I assure her. I give her a long kiss, savoring the feeling of her against me. My nerves may be a mess but my mind is a complete blank when I kiss her. Sometimes I think it is a miracle I remember how to breath when we kiss. When we finally break apart I give her one last quick peck before taking a deep breath and marching inside.
On Friday I finally worked up the nerve to call the meeting I should have called a long time ago. I know people will be disappointed but beyond their initial disappointment, they will understand. At least I hope they do.
I think the second I called the meeting with the Islanders upper management, they knew what I wanted to talk about. I am pretty sure they knew the day they gave me the offer what my decision was. When weeks went by and they heard nothing it was pretty obvious; but it took me awhile to trust my own decision. Even now the self doubt is creeping up, that voice whispering I am making a huge mistake. I push that voice down because I do know what is best for me. This was my decision to make and mine alone, and at the end of the day I need to believe in myself and back my own decision.
When I walk into the room everyone stands. I shake hands and do the normal pleasantries before we all sit with me somehow ending up at the head of the long meeting table, again. I suddenly wish I brought Francesca, as the nerves kick in and my palms get super sweaty. The whole room is staring at me waiting with baited breath for what I have to say.
"I'm sorry," I begin.
"No you aren't," Lou, cuts me off. Well, probably not off to a great start I suppose. Most people wouldn't think the general manager of your team cutting you off two words in is exactly good.
"I want to finish what I started," I tell him, trying to fake confidence. I don't want to be seen as a kid who can't make a decision for himself. I need him and everyone else in this room to see that I am not just making this choice on a whim. This is a choice I stand behind.
"We know Carson, that's what we like about you. You are loyal, maybe to a fault, turning down a multi million dollar deal to play your senior college season, but that is a commendable trait nonetheless. We want loyalty on this team knowing that good or bad players aren't going to just abandon us."
