Limerence • h.s.

05

I hadn't thought much about my next steps. The farther we got from my house and the closer we were to Megan's, the more I began to panic. I was spiraling into a lost state of not being able to suck enough air into my lungs. What was I really going to do here? I'm just going to up and leave my boyfriend of four years? Over what, a fight?

No- don't start doing that, Cecily. You're better than that. This was more than a fight. I just can't help but miss the way he would hug me on our good days as I choke back tears, hoping Megan doesn't see me having a full-on breakdown. I can't think straight. If it were in my hands, I would turn the car around right now in hopes of making it back before he even knows I'm gone.

No. What am I even saying? Jackson could kill me if he lashes at me like he did last time. One more hit and I would have been completely knocked out, who knows what would have pulled him from his trance if it weren't me hitting him back. I deserve to get the fuck away from him and I don't need to sit here and cry about it. I am done and I am going to stand my ground.

Well, maybe not directly to his face but I'll do the next best thing - Yell from behind my friend who can scare him off more than I ever could by myself. Because if it was simply Jackson vs Cecily, I would be meeting the holy ghost for sure. I don't think there is anything stopping him from killing me now if it isn't our so-called love.

He'll kill me before he sees me ride off into the sunset without him. He would rather see me dead than see me pursue something for myself, to be independent. My god, he could shut me down for good and I know that.

"We shouldn't stay at your place, that's the first place he'll look." I say, sniffling back my tears and trying to catch a normal rhythm of breaths. I can't stop rubbing my hands over my jeans, they were in a constant state of clamminess and I couldn't shake it. My nerves are through the roof.

"Right, duh. Um, we could go to Frank's? He and his roommates would make sure nobody came through the door." Megan is quick with her thought. Jackson does know where Frank lives, but he does have three other roommates that would at least stall to give me enough time to head out. But still, maybe there are more options here.

"I don't know, that could be the last resort but is there nothing else?" Megan pulls the car into a gas station to park, so we can try and decide what our plan is before just driving around aimlessly. She sighs. "Motel?" I laugh.

"I don't have the funds for a motel, everything is still connected to Jackson." She nods her head, giving me a little frown in response.

"Okay, well, we could always ask Harry if we could leave early instead, stay in LA for a week." This comment made me laugh even harder. "Absolutely not, if I don't have money for a shitty motel then I don't have money to stay in LA. Besides, he doesn't need to see me like this, I don't know him."

"Well, Harry could help us with navigating the area and finding affordable places. You know I don't mind covering for you, and it would be the safest spot for you." I turn away from her, unable to look her in the eye when she offers to cover me on money.

Megan comes from an incredibly rich family, they all live in New York but she decided to grow up with her grandparents out in Washington. Her dad still sends her hefty allowances though, because he founded some dumbass trade company, which is why we've usually always been able to take the time to be a band instead of trying to work full time. Well, that and Jackson supported me.

What little money I've earned from our small shows has gone straight to a shared savings account. It can't be more than $5,000, but I still need to try to get my hands back on it.

"I can't ask you to do that, everything is expensive in California."

"Well I don't care, as your best friend, it is my responsibility to get you out of your shitty situation. If that means paying for you to stay in a different state right now, so be it."