Limerence • h.s.

04*

Before I even opened my eyes, I could hear the sounds of the birds chirping. They were greeting each other for the first time, each welcoming the true spring weather, with summer on the horizon. I listened with my eyes closed, brain still foggy with sleep, but smiling a bit at the thought of them having a conversation this early in the morning. My cheeks were sore with the upward tug of my lips, immediately dropping back to nothing as I furrowed my eyebrows and pinched my eyes a little. 

My brain was slowly waking up, the electricity of it buzzing to life. The cogs were turning and I was coming to my senses. Suddenly feeling just how bright the sun was as it peeked through the window, even with my eyes closed. It burnt them as they were as dry and sore as they come. I couldn't bring myself to open them just yet, instead, I just slowly lifted my body in a groan to sit on the edge of the bed. 

My lips exhaled a sigh when I finally made it upright, thankful to be done moving for the time being. I sat hunched over, eyes closed and breaths jagged as I tried to gather myself. I had to pee. I needed to move, to find the will to stand and put one foot in front of the other until I reached the bathroom. 

Without another thought on the matter, I forced myself up and waddled over to the bathroom from memory. I didn't dare open my eyes until I shuffled around blindly and made it inside, away from the mirror. I sat down and just barely opened them in the dark, I didn't want the lights on today. I heard the shuffle of Jackson's feet while I finished using the restroom, eager to have my clothes fully back on before seeing him. 

He stepped into the doorway, flicking on the light before I could protest. I swallowed a groan, refusing to give any reaction. I could feel his eyes on me as I sat at the sink washing my hands with my eyes down. His breaths were loud but calm as if he was trying to scare me with just the single noise of his breath echoing around the bathroom once the sink was off. We hadn't spoken much in the near week since I went to lunch and he took me home. For once in our life together, I was mad enough to give him nothing. I didn't pity myself or beg for his attention or forgiveness in any way, we just remained silent.

I liked the silence. He must like it too since he hasn't scolded me for it. Not speaking to a single soul for five days does something to you, I think. I'm completely calm and unbothered by everything, exhausted by the idea of trying to fix us. That could just be the anger in me too, though. I was angry. 

I'm pulled from my thoughts, absently drying my hands with a towel while staring at the counter, as he sits my phone on the counter. "About time you have your phone back I think. Megan won't stop texting and I don't want her over here." 

I stare at it while he backs away again, still standing in the doorway. He must want a response from me. "Thanks." I mutter my voice scratchy. I continue to play with the towel in my hand. I couldn't look at him or me, I just wanted to retreat back to the bed where there were no mirrors and I could sit under the blankets in peace. 

I felt his presence back behind me, closer now, as he brought his hand to my jaw and turned my head to look into the mirror to see us. I tried to avoid looking at myself, not wanting to have a full-blown panic attack in front of him. I had avoided looking almost all week, except for when I cleaned myself up the night we got home. I kept my eyes on him.

"You're gonna tell Megan you're fine, just sick. She shouldn't see you like this, you look awful." I barely flick my eyes to myself, quickly pulling away. My eyes fall back on him in a matter of seconds. "You're gonna have to forgive me eventually, and speak to me, maybe." I didn't say anything, not even a nod. I just stared at him, dropping the towel on the counter. 

He sighs, placing his hands on the counter on either side of me. He breathes right down the back of my neck sending an uncomfortable feeling down my spine, exploding over every nerve in my body. He's silent for a while as we stand there, I'm too afraid to move. He lifts his head up from behind me and speaks his farewell. "Fine. Just tell Megan to fuck off though, 'kay?" And with that, he's gone. Off to do whatever it is he does. Together for years and I still don't really understand what he does for a living. He just sits in that locked office.