The next morning I woke up and got to take a look at my house.I shiver at the pronoun "my" because it felt so foreign. The living room was big enough to contain my cushions with a little space at the middle big enough for three people to sit on the floor . It was a three bedroom flat .The curtains were beautifully arranged and it was pure white with a touch of navy blue to match my chairs I guess. In maiduguri it was the duty of the groom to buy the curtain. I didn't have to cook anything. My in -laws sent me breakfast and we ate with sadeeq. He took his bath and sat in the living room watching movies. Ideally he was suppose to go out since in the evening my friends and family members would come for yini but he wasn't moving an inch .Sadeeq refused to leave the house it was embarrassing everyone came and he was seated in the living room I couldn't talk with my cousins or my remaining friends from islamiya,I thought yini was suppose to be just the girls and he would come back in the evening but he was there probably guarding me. Maybe I was finding fault were they wasn't it's his house too.
Sadeeq got a well to do job weeks before our wedding. He had no certificate but I guess his uncle found the job for him . Seeing as things were between us. I didn't know how much his salary was. We never spoke about such things even as the wedding approached. When we spoke it was just him boosting of how he has finally achieved him dreams and stuff like that. I didn't live an expensive life but alhamdulillah I had everything I wanted. It was the first few weeks of our wedding. The kayan gara( food item) my family bought would pretty much last us an entire year. He didn't need to buy clothes nor pay house rent till after a year so there wasn't much spending at all . There was no love in my heart for sadeeq but I knew I had to perform my duties as his wife and that I did . I would have imagined we would be like cats and rats in the house. I didn't talk that much so they would be no problem I was like a rat, hiding myself so I wouldn't be squashed by sadeeq. It isn't as sad as it might seem because months before my wedding I had learned that I was invincible so it didn't hurt to swallow my words and hide my feelings because even if I showed it no one would really see me. Sadeeq decided one day that we should go to the studio to take post wedding pictures. The idea behind that I would come to realize was to create the illusion of a loving and perfect husband, but at that moment it felt as though I could really give this a chance. We would eat together and even pray together sometimes. Sadeeq always came home early ,he didn't stay out late like other guys since he didn't even have friends. He was loyal and faithful. Wasn't much of a talker and didn't demand much from me. But he wasn't the same sadeeq and neither was I the same Hayaat
I went back to school and distance didn't do sadeeq and I any good. It was just like when we were dating he was like a time bomb waiting for the right moment to explode. I should have known! I should have known that the only reason sadeeq was tolerating me was because he had eyes on me 24 hours. I was under his control and the moment he began to feel like he was losing that control he became paranoid as always. Sadeeq would call me during my lectures. I would send him a text telling him I would call him back but he never stopped calling . After my lectures I would call him back and apologize ,he didn't care that I was a student he was always doubting me he would say that I was with my other boy friends that's why I didn't pick. He even told me I would stop staying in the hostel because he believed Haleema was the reason for my "rude behaviors" . Luckily for me he couldn't afford a house off campus and mum refused to let me stay with my relatives in Maiduguri to avoid small talks . Since he wasn't an indigene of Borno he didn't have any relatives to make me stay with . I always knew that without trust every relationship was bound to break and a relationship as broken as ours will just be as bad as a wildfire. I could never justify any of my actions. To him I was disrespecting his authority. I kept praying to God for the semester to end. Maybe when I got back home and Sadeeq realized that I wasn't going to ever leave him he would start being nice again. Maybe I was a fool ,but you have never been so desperate to Make something work in your life there was no going back. I would be a prisoner but at least I would have peace.
3 months later I graduated and was finally a physiotherapist, my dream had come true. I wished I could call Dr and tell him that even if not all my dreams at least some part came true but I haven't heard of him since the wedding.I had copied the text message he sent me and pasted it on my notebook and titled it"the last letter from my lover "it would seem as though I live only to relive those sad days cause at least it made me feel something, be it pain, sadness or anger for what could have been.
