She would persevere

Chapter 24

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But I'm holding on for dear life
Won't look down, won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light
'Cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Help me, I'm holding on for dear life
Won't look down, won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light
'Cause I'm just holding on for tonight, on for tonight

The trial was next week. Even though I wasn't the one on trial, I still couldn't shake the anxiety off of me. We are to fly out on Monday, have a few days in Miami and then go to the trial on thursday.
And by 'we', I mean well me, Kiel, Lee, uncle Beck and our father.
I had already made a list and already packed most of the stuff I was bringing with me. Maman had ordered a clean up crew to sweep my apartment so that when we arrived, we could immediately use it again.

To be fairly honest, I couldn't wait to put all of it behind me. The closer we came to the date, the more intense my nightmares became. Lee was being an absolute doll trying to get my mind off the incessant urge to reminisce in old wounds, but nothing was working. My daily facade was cracking and I have been more content with staying in bed and doing completely nothing instead of facing and challenging this f*cked up world.
I wish there was a button I could push that would just turn off all the bad things that littered my mind all times of the day. I was going absolutely mental and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Nothing was listening to me anymore. Not my brain, not my nervous system that seemed to shiver every freaking five seconds and especially not my demons whose new goal in life it seemed was to make me borderline insane.
My light was disappearing and I didn't know how to retain the last pieces of it I had left.
How did I do it years ago? How was I able to get back on my high horse even with the withdrawal symptoms of the drug abuse? How in the hell did I survive?
Before I could contemplate any more questions, someone knocked on the door and opened it. I didn't turn around. I didn't let the blanket down to show my face. I just remained under my heavy blanket, surrounding myself with the heavy darkness that not only wrapped itself around my heart, slowly squeezing it more and more, but also my visible sight was covered with it. Even though the darkness around my heart felt cold, the heavy darkness around my vision did not. As if it was rooting for me to pick it, to go to it, leave with it. And so I stayed in that darkness until someone slowly decided to give out a little bit of light. Kiel was there smiling softly at me.
"Dinner is ready. I made sure they put out some softer foods for you to eat. Please just have a little."
I didn't voice my opinion of what I wanted because I knew the doctor would not allow it, so I wordlessly creeped out of bed, straight into his room.  If I could not stay in the warmth of the blanket, the next best things were one of his sweaters.
Getting out of his room, Kiel was still standing in the hallway waiting for me. I gave him a small smile before following him downstairs where the rest was.
I sat down between Kiel and Teddy and strayed miles away from Noah. After the talk we had, or should I say the word full bashing he gave me, I didn't even dare to look at him anymore. I knew that if I looked him in the eyes I would only remember the words he spat at me. I don't understand how my world collided so fast in this place. How my life went from a simple happy-go-lucky to downright depressing. I needed an out. I wished I could just go back to Maman and Aubrey in Miami. To have my old classmates beside me during lessons, the monthly bbq our building organised for a better relation between neighbours.
But wishing was merely hopeful thinking. As long as my father held the custody rights, I would be unable to do anything about it. And simply emancipating wouldn't really work. The process is long and hard and I would need a lot of evidence to show that my father couldn't proficiently take care of me and I could.
Welp, Best of luck with that.